Online Dating

[Kuribotchi]

What are your views on online dating?

In this topic, online dating refers to:

- The two people have never met in real life

- They met on a website online

ect

For me, personally, I don't actually believe that they're legitimate relationships, as in, I don't think they are real. If a person has only been in online relationships with people that they've never met in real life, I would say that they haven't ever been in a relationship. When people tell me they are truly in love with people they have met online and never in real life, I find it depressing, because those people are often the people who have had their lives taken over by the internet.

So yeah, what are your views on online dating?

 

[Rosaria]

I get where you're coming from, but I still believe that it's true love. I mean, you can develop feelings for someone, even if you haven't met them IRL. For example, I have a friend that lives in Brisbane, and the only way I can talk to him is online, although I still care about him. I don't look at him romantically, but I still care about his well-being.

So, I feel like it's fine, but you shouldn't let it take up all of your free time.

 

[dazzilitchigirl]

I think it's okay, the people can still be in love although it's better if you know each other in real life. I don't really have an opinion on it; if people want to do online dating, fine, if it's not hurting anyone I'm not going to oppose it.

 

[Box]

I don't have any romantic interests and probably won't (I don't think it's "bs," but I don't believe in that stuff)
I have gone out with people in real life and never online (or "away from keyboard," if you prefer), but I see no reason for there to be a fundamental difference unless the relationship is wholly pointless and you will never, ever go meet this person or all you do is sext

It can happen

One only has to be realistic about it in order for their relationship to be acknowledged

 

[triforceman]

I've dated people online before idk it's not much different really from an Irl relationship except its less physical I guess.

 

[Midorime]

I call them long distance relationships (LDRs) and yes I've done several of them. They're hard to do and it depends on the people involved if they'll work or not. I had one that last for 4 years and ended in me being cheated on, a few that were just little things and never lasted, and another that was okay but sorta devolved due to stress in both our lives and the fact that neither of us can move yet. (We still care about each other it's just that, well, life gets super busy.)

There's a very slim chance they ever work, but as I said it depends. I know someone who met someone online from England, went to see them, and it went so well that she ended up moving there and they got married.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Online dating can also help the socially awkward meet people they wouldn't have ever met before, too.

 

[TamaMum]

I can see why some folks might be sceptical about online relationships but it seems a bit harsh to dismiss them as "not legitimate" or "not real".

Some people really don't need to meet in real life to get along well and form a comfortable, long term relationship.

Can someone fall in love based on all the things they have in common and all the things they chat about about over skype (or similar audio visual communication means)?

I don't see why not. I don't see why it can't be considered "legitimate" or "real" because it is not physical.

Certainly, perhaps it is not a "regular" style of relationship that most of us experience and maybe for some folks that's a concept they can't grasp or accept. Doesn't mean it's not valid.

Could it be "true love"? That's a whole different matter. Depends on age, experience, etc., not whether it's online or "real life".

So many people think their relationship is "true love" - both online and in face to face, physical relationships - and there are so many examples of those relationships ending.

I don't think you can assume an online relationship will fail or is not true love any more than you can assume physical relationships will succeed.

It's down to the individuals involved.

If they are happy enough with the situation, it seems a bit negative to diminish their relationship by saying it's "not real".

 

[Stefan Bauwens]

If you're having an online relationship but never plan to meet you are not in love.

However, that's probably the minority of the cases.

I do believe online dating can be real. It just offers a lot of problems such as:

-You can't really present your friend to anyone and ask their ideas of him/her

-It's a lot easier to show your nice side online, then to talk about your negative points(which may only be seen irl)

-You may get asocial.

I do believe they can work and even though I'd prefer not to have such a relationship, I advise all who do to really meet in real life.

However, these negative points count for "just friends" too(online ones).

This makes it harder to get real good friends. Thatswhy if it's not possible to meet, if you wanna be good friends, you just gotta talk a lot. And talk about stuff that matters.

 

[tinkeepie11]

I believe that internet relationships can be real, but I don't think I will ever date online myself.

I just think it's better to go outside and see the person and talk to them IRL because you can get antisocial from sitting on your computer, messaging your long distance girl/boyfriend all day.

Also, every once in a while, you could get a fake boy/girlfriend who just wants you to give them money, though that rarely happens.

I think that if a person really love's their internet boy/girlfriend that much, they should at least start to organize meeting up IRL.

 

[Nazotchi25]

It really depends if they ever plan to actually meet or not. I wouldn't online date simply due to cost and it just seems odd to me.

online friends to me are expendable especially if i'll never meet them, they can be replaced quite easily if needed.

 

[Stefan Bauwens]

online friends to me are expendable especially if i'll never meet them, they can be replaced quite easily if needed.

Not for me. I choose my friends carefully. I agree that not everybody in my friend list is my friend, but that's not really my problem.

Nobody can replace my friends here.

 

[Yoggs]

If people want to date online, go ahead. I'm not going to stop them unless it is unsafe for them (people on the internet can be... creepy)

And I treat my friends online as the ones I have in real life. If I class someone as a friend, then I mean it.

 

[tamatown123]

I personally think there's a reason that an online couple don't want to meet up in real, such as safety reasons..

I'm fine with people online dating, there'd be no point in telling someone that it's bad. I just don't think it's healthy if someone is really sad/depressed, even though they have an online girlfriend/boyfriend. If they're happy, and satisfied with the whole "situation" then I'm completely fine with that.

Online dating is just another way to meet people, but it shouldn't be the only way you meet people. Just because nobody wants to date you online, there's no point shifting to online dating just because you don't find a boyfriend/girlfriend in the real world. I feel that falling in love with someone online should just happen naturally, or else it isn't true love, it's "urgent" love.

 

[Amat Gotchi]

I think people need to be really careful about the role of technology in any relationship.

This involves relationships online and in real life.

I was in a real life relationship this summer (sort of) but I think on both sides we kind of screwed it up because we were apart for so long--not because we wanted to be but because each of us did a lot of traveling. We texted regularly (a little too much actually) during the two months that we didn't see each other, but we never called one another. (I think teens are awkward when it comes to phone convos to be honest.)

Anyway, a month after not seeing one another he confessed that he actually did like me "in that way," via text of course. Once I got back home we went out together, which kind of made me nervous at first because I had been obsessing over this person for so long, though we ended up having a pretty good time. But after our relationship building on the fantastic things we said in texts for two months, it was still a little bit of a letdown. After that we just awkwardly stopped talking to one another. We still see each other in the halls and happily greet one another, but I'm prepared to just be friends with this person now and let that particular relationship fall by the wayside. and I've decided that high school relationships are utter codswallop

I can't help thinking that talking on the phone, or Skype or whatever would really have improved the relationship a lot more than just texting and Facebook messaging for all that time.

It's so easy to misinterpret things that people say in texts. This is not only in romantic relationships but with friendships in general.

Technology shouldn't be the main part of your relationships or friendships. To really understand someone, tone of voice and body language and everything that comes with being truly together, those are very important and I don't think any online relationship can replace that.

 

[WhiteClaw84]

WELL... I never dated at all until I met my husband who I met online via a forum about anime lol. He was my first boyfriend and after knowing him for several years online I moved to go to school in the same area as he. We lived separately but dated for several years. We got along even better than we had online and still do and fell in love more and more! We finally got married a few years ago. We have successful jobs, a beautiful home, two dogs and three cats and a beautiful son. Had someone told me I would meet my husband online I would have laughed. We've been together for 9 years since I first met him. Oh and he had also never dated anyone before me We have a very special relationship and are definitely soul mates for life.

So online dating can turn into something very real and wonderful. Would I recommend online dating to my son when he is older...probably not. But I can't stop technology from changing the way we meet people. I do acknowledge that what I did could have been very dangerous but we both were in places where we had family close by. In fact the first couple dates we had family with us so everyone could get to know everyone else.

There are a lot of creeps out there so you need to be careful and never agree to meet someone you have been talking to online alone. Please always practice online safety. It is a dangerous and scary world out there.

Oh there is one nice thing to acknowledge about online dating as an initial start to a relationship...and that is that you fall in love with their personality and brains before physical appearance. Yes, you do have to have a certain level of physical attraction to a person to fall in love but in true love the person and their personality is what truly makes them someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

[Midorime]

WhiteClaw posts some very valuable points. Never meet anyone alone, and if you're going to actually go fly over to see the person, follow these steps:

• Give the name, number, address, and picture of the person you will be staying with to family and friends in case something happens. This way they know your location and can give authorities the information.
• Speak to the family of the one you'll be staying with if they still live at home, especially the parents. (I did this via Skype and my dad joined in on the call.)
• Do a background check on the person and family you'll be with. This can either be done on Google or pipl.com.
• Do NOT give any personal information to the person, such a social security number, credit card numbers, passwords to any accounts, etc. You may think the person is good, but they could be lying to you!
• Call friends and family every day of your trip to let them know you are doing fine.

I've followed the above steps and have done just fine. I've also known the people for a few years beforehand, too, and got family and friends involved so they were aware of anything and everything that went on. This also ensures your safety as well and should anything happen, you'll be easy enough to locate.

Also i agree, you tend to fall for the personality of the person before looks. However, nothing beats the real deal of being around the person and staying with them awhile, then you get to see how they really are.

 

[The Ultimate Doomer]

How can someone be in a "relationship" online? Well...

it may be better/easier for some people (as long as the other person is a trustworthy friend), e.g., it would be virtually impossible to find another Melodytchi fan in real life, it wouldn't be fair to not-be-a-friend just because they don't live in the same place, etc.

And I know some Tama fans who have online <3 friends like that, who are also Tama fans. They can still talk and such, and they are still bf/gf, whether it's online or not.

 

[sarah8]

I think you need to be careful. Are you over 18? Teenagers think they are mature, sensible and know what they are doing and who's safe to talk to but they eventually forget themselves and end up in a lot of trouble. I'm a teenager myself and although I'd like to think I am mature and sensible, I know I wouldn't be if I was silly enough to date someone you didn't know. Please NEVER agree to meet someone online unless you've already met them before, especially not alone. And to avoid them tracking you down, never put up information eg address, photos of you, phone number etc otherwise they can track you down quickly and the scary thing is you may not realise it. People online can be very different to there true selves. I wouldn't date anyone properly online unless I know them away from the Internet but that's just me and I'm still young. Maybe when I'm older??? I don't know...

 

[x.//StoryTeller//.x]

If you'd have asked me a few months earlier, I would have said, no way it's possible. I had seen friends of mine online talking real mushy to eachother, and...it kinda creeped me out. I didn't understand how you could like someone you didn't even know irl.

And then I became a bit more open-minded...Love is very fluid, you see. There is no one definition. Love can be friendship, trusting, sexual, romantic, physical, flirtatious, or just simply make you happy. Plus many more. It's different for everyone. Sometimes people may feel different kinds of love for different people. Physical kinds of love is obviously out for online relationships, but romance and friendship and happiness is certainly still there. Everyone has their own definitions of love, and that's all that matters. Your feelings will guide you to however you feel for someone, no matter where in the world they are at.

And then of course...I met him. ♥

 

[Eternal Mametchi Fan]

It all depends on the situation.

There are those "dating" sites where you put your interests, get matched up with someone, and date, maybe becoming BF and GF. I admit I don't like the idea of these kinds of pairings because the site basically chooses for them, and you just jump in right ahead and start dating someone without knowing them beforehand.

I think the best way is to gradually go is like this:

Meet someone online -> Get to know them -> Eventually become friends -> Get a crush -> When you're sure your feelings are true, tell your crush -> If you both happen to have feelings each other, start dating -> Fall more and more in love!

Now I know this may sound weird, but I think that in some situations having a relationship online is more convenient and safe than in real life. I mean, online you tend to be more cautious and it is also easier to express your feelings when face-to-face it can get pretty awkward. There are lots of creeps online, but it is the same in real life, as well. Online you can slowly get to know someone and decide whether or not you trust them and true love can bloom... in real life, you could go on a date with someone you don't know very well and get raped. End of. But in the case of online relationships, sensible people who take things like the seriously won't arrange to meet up with their online BF/GF until they have complete love and faith in each other, and then they can assuredly meet up safely. Besides, there are over 6.5 billion people on the planet... how are you supposed to find someone right for you in just the few people you know in real life?

Of course, I'm not saying you should just go and "look for" a BF/GF just because you want to be in love. You don't even think about being in love, but you have a very sweet friend who means a lot to you and could be something more than a friend, and it just happens. In the time you spend chatting with each other online, you can make your relationship close to perfect by talking things through, learning from mistakes, and improving things about your relationship before the exciting day you finally get a chance to meet in real life. O3O

It is true that online relationships need to be given great consideration, but so do real-life relationships. I think it is hard for people who have never been in an online relationship to understand that they are, in many cases, just as true as "real" relationships. I'm not going to say there's nothing wrong with online relationships; people can pretend to be someone they're not and so on, but of course you should be wise enough to wait until someone fully expresses their honesty.

Anyway, one thing I find biased about real-life relationships is judging by appearance. A guy could see a cute girl and could be like "Oh, she looks so pretty, I love her!" and then act all nice just to get her to like him without thinking about her personality - and without staying true to his own personality. Online, I think people put more effort into taking relationships seriously and putting more thought into it; you can get to love someone so much that you don't care what they look like, which is how true love should be. ;3

This is just my thoughts and I hope people can take the time to consider it, as I'm in an online relationship myself and my BF means the whole world to me.