Thoughts on Tear Drop Tamagotchi

[The Tamagotchi Guardian]

Well, my new story Tear Drop Tamagotchi has now begun, and depending on when you're reading this, the prologue could have just come out, or I could have just finished writing it! So, what do you think of it so far, and how could I improve it?

 

[mimitchi ^o^]

Im being honest, I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings.

The story just doesnt seem about Tamagotchi's. Sure you have it mentioned in there, but its like you just slapped the Tama label into your story to make it seem about tamas. The characters arent even tamagotchi... I don't know... it just doesnt have Tamagotchi as it's main plot.​

 

[What?]

i like it, it seems like a cool idea, but I agree with Mimitchi. It should have more tamas. If they are tamas, make it more easy to tell that they are tamas. Otherwise, it's a really fun read

 

[The Tamagotchi Guardian]

That's fair enough, tamagotchis will become more prominent later on in the story, the first chapter was just designed as an introduction, therefore it may be a little light on tamagotchis. Thanks for the feedback ^_^

 

[Mamapatchi]

Not to be rude, but I dislike your style of writing it seems a bit unprofessional. This is mainly due to some words I'm not overtly keen on that, if replaced, may make your writing a lot more professional seeming. EG, rubbish (this is okay for speech but not in narrative).

In addition to this you are using quotation marks instead of speech marks, and also you mustn't ever write "!?" or use multiple exclamation marks or question marks. It is also preferable that you don't type shouting in capital letters, use punctuation and adverbs to make up them.

Sorry if this seemed a bit harsh, but if you aren't told these things they'll keep going.

 

[♥Khipmunk♥]

I really like it! I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters. Keep up the good work!

 

[hit]

It's digusting and highly unoriginal, you could do a lot better on sentence structure, grammar, and spelling.

Also it's very cheesy.

 

[dazzilitchigirl]

You've definitely put a lot of thought and effort into it, but it kind of seems like you're trying to sound professional and not quite succeeding. Write how you want to write, don't use words or phrases you're not experienced with. It's a good story and I look forward to reading the next bit, but my tip is to be a bit more relaxed and if you don't feel ready to use complex words or phrases, don't.