Spanking

[x.//StoryTeller//.x]

Yeah okay this is not the same thing as the "Is it okay for a man to hit a woman?" topic. This is about an adult using physical pain to punish a child, and if it is abuse or not. Now that that's outta the way...

So I saw this on Facebook today. And it just irritates me so friggin much.

I personally feel that spanking is NOT the proper punishment when a child has made a mistake. Because you have no idea how it will affect the child when they grow older. Some may handle it as learning "respect for others", but there is still the chance that they may in fact suffer from a sort of trauma, and it can be near impossible to reverse the effects. Spanking taught me that if I make a mistake, I'm going to get hurt. When someone who has athority over me (teacher, any adult really) tells me that I've done something wrong, I have a panic attack. And I don't know how to control it. My parents had no idea that this would be the outcome when I was little. It's impossible to know the outcome. And I feel that it's wrong to risk it.

Your thoughts on this matter?

 

[Midorime]

I'm for it in certain situations where other forms of punishment has not worked. Mind you even then, it should be open hand ONLY, and ONLY once or twice. And NOT for pain, but more of a scare tactic.

I was spanked growing up, but I was hit with a belt and had welts on me. That is not something I would tolerate. It's abuse then, and as such, I now have various problems in my later years being okay with being touched and such. (I had other non-home abuse as well, too, so I can't say it's just from the spanking.) I have panic attacks, too, but as I stated, I was abused in other ways. Beat up at school, for example.

I don't think it always causes trauma. I know people who were hit growing up and turned out fine, and I know people who were never hit and punished in other ways and turned out to be shy/scared and socially awkward people. I think it really depends on the person.

 

[SonicBlades]

I didn't think spanking was a big deal, but after reading the posts the two of you made, I'm reconsidering. I used to think being spanked had no effect on me but I have a lot of the same issues you guys mentioned and now I wonder if spanking is a cause of that. I wasn't just spanked as a child, though. My dad literally beat my mom and me because he was one of those "women must submit to men" kind of guys.

I admit I was a brat when I was little. I threw fits when I didn't get my way and deliberately did things my parents told me not to. My mom spanked me a few times, but my dad would use a belt (the buckle end) or his fists. Maybe that's why I have trouble telling people "no" and why I'm such a perfectionist now. Making a mistake, no matter how small and insignificant, is probably my biggest fear. And until I met my current boyfriend, I used to be terrified of men. I still kind of am.

 

[Nazotchi25]

For some reason I agree with the picture you posted.

I, as a young child, have been spanked before in my past. It wasn't even a hard hit, more like a pat really.

It was probably the fear of potential pain that made it effective for me.

I do believe, for myself at least, that it was effective in shaping the way i respect my superiors today

Having some minor military discipline from being in my cadet squadron helped as well for my early teens to now, but thats a different can of peas.

We can look at my little brother who all he was ever punished with was yelling and demanding. He never learned to respect anyone and is quite defiant. Something i never was even at his age.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe it's appropriate to beat a child. However the threat and fear of a pain that I thought was bad, even though it wasn't, was quite the effective measure in which i'd probably use to.

I feel like I may of gotten confusing somewhere in my post, so just ask for clarification if needed

 

[tamagothi_connexion]

I dont believe you can beat respect into /anyone/, but especially not a child. It only teaches fear and fear leads to hatred. I remember watching my brother get beat when I was little and it taught my siblings and I nothing but to hold disdain for my dad.

Spanking, in my opinion, is not beating, however. I cant imagine it being necessary, but maybe in some cases if a child is violent and they need a taste of their own medicine. I dont believe there should be scare tactics at all in parenting unless your goal is to be a bad parent. Theres always another way.

 

[Midorime]

I didn't think spanking was a big deal, but after reading the posts the two of you made, I'm reconsidering. I used to think being spanked had no effect on me but I have a lot of the same issues you guys mentioned and now I wonder if spanking is a cause of that. I wasn't just spanked as a child, though. My dad literally beat my mom and me because he was one of those "women must submit to men" kind of guys.

I admit I was a brat when I was little. I threw fits when I didn't get my way and deliberately did things my parents told me not to. My mom spanked me a few times, but my dad would use a belt (the buckle end) or his fists. Maybe that's why I have trouble telling people "no" and why I'm such a perfectionist now. Making a mistake, no matter how small and insignificant, is probably my biggest fear. And until I met my current boyfriend, I used to be terrified of men. I still kind of am.

That's not really 'spanking' though, that's abuse. There's a difference, one thing it being a display of power and control, rather than punishment. Of course that would cause psychological trauma, I have the same issues. I can't even have a meaningful relationship since i go after the guys I myself can 'control' (more like 'train' since they're young and I push them to work and go to college and all), and don't even ask about my non-existent intimate life, lol.

Thing is, i doubt traditional spanking with an open hand would have caused the blocks you face daily.

Also, I'm sorry for what you've gone through, I know it all too well. :<

 

[Eternal Mametchi Fan]

Children require being slapped or else they end up even worse :L

My youngest brother is extremely spoiled. When mama won't buy him an expensive toy, he starts punching me and biting me and pulling my hair and scratching me with his fingernails and stuff like that until mama buys him the toy :l

He basically hurts me as a way to get what he wants.

I'm 10 years older than him but he makes me cry ;-;

Children need discipline and if they hit other people without it, I don't see why other people can't hit them.

I think only younger children should be spanked and then as they get older they need other forms of discipline.

Of course, spanking if a child didn't really do much wrong is bad.

 

[Famous Last Words.x]

I believe that hurting/scaring/spanking children is not the right answer to discipline them. I was hit as a kid for acting up in very minor ways, such as accidentally slamming the car door too hard or spilling/breaking something on accident, and it only taught me that adults could not be trusted to be told anything. Now that I'm older, anytime an authority figure, like a teacher or parent raises their voice at me I end up crying and going into hysterics because I associate it with pain, rather than just being told off. It's honestly awful because it's hard to be taken seriously when you're a blubbering mess that legitimately cannot make out words :L

Spanking taught me that if I make a mistake, I'm going to get hurt. When someone who has authority over me (teacher, any adult really) tells me that I've done something wrong, I have a panic attack. And I don't know how to control it.

That's exactly it. Beating discipline into your kids is not, and never will be the answer. It's abuse- you wouldn't tolerate hitting an adult because they did something wrong, why would you a child? It also teaches a child that hitting is okay behaviour as well, which sends a mixed message. New Zealand banned hitting/spanking kids as a form of punishment awhile back, but parents still do, whether out of desperation to control their kids or not I'm not sure. Violence is not the answer, there's got to be a better alternative.

 

[magicboa]

Spanking (open-handed, and to the bottom only), is fine if the child has been told to refrain from whatever he is doing, and has been told repeatedly. I see many kids that receive no discipline at all, not even the parent acknowledging the wrongdoing (they choose to ignore it). No wonder kids today are so out of control. Most are spoiled brats. I got spanked as a child if I kept acting up and wouldn't quit. I deserved it. I learned right from wrong. I turned out fine.

 

[Rainbow Dazz]

Respect and fear are different things. Respect means the child willingly obeys their parent because they know their parent has their best interests at heart. Fear means the child resentfully and unwillingly obeys their parent because if they don't, they'll get hurt. That is all I have to say on the statement "spanking children teaches them respect".

 

[violetvioletchi]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to say thanks for opening up and talking about your experiences. I agree with Rainbow Dazz.

I also would like to suggest, for individuals who may be curious or want to further understand the issue of physical punishment, that there is a multitude of research out there (make sure it's peer-reviewed, they use sound scientific methods, etc.) that are worth reading to establish further understanding (regardless of what "side" you are on).

Additionally, there is some research on punishment in general and I think some of the factors might be at play in terms of why it "works" for some people. One such factor is when a positive punishment (in psychology, positive punishment just means the presence of something, like giving someone a time out, vs taking something away -negative punishment, like taking away a toy) is given, the timing is important. When the feedback to the child is immediate, it seems that children can understand more what they did incorrectly rather than like "Wait until your father/mother comes home, then you'll be in trouble!" depending on the age of the child, they might not remember exactly what they did wrong, and that's where some of the anxiety comes in, because the child feels like "anything" could set off the parent/punishment.

Also, children often model the behavior of adults, particularly aggression (search, "Bobo Doll" experiment if you're curious) and depending on the age of the child, they may view physical punishment as something you do when you don't like the behavior of another (ie., do they transfer what they learned to the playground at school? Do they think that if someone's bothering them, the best way to get them to stop is being physical? Not saying that this happens for everyone or even that it happens, but could it? Food for thought.)

I'm not trying to criticize anyone in particular, I just stumbled across this and wanted to respectfully add in some more food for thought/the possibility of reviewing research on the subject.

Everyone is entitled to having/forming their own opinion.

 

[tamalover1918]

I would only spank if the child had not stopped misbehaving after numerous talks, scoldings, and the child shows no sign of stopping. Even then, I wouldn't hit the child too hard, and it would be open-handed, bottom only. But no child deserves to be spanked/hit for pretty much no reason.

 

[patchis-forest]

my dad (sometimes my mom) absolutely thought spanking his sons was ok. but he would never hit his only daughter, and i was always the emotionally sensitive type, so even grounding me would make me cry. i think thats why i was never pushed to be the top student, but the influence of others at my overachieving school makes me feel like poop.

(back on topic) all of my brothers have been spanked, but most of all my mentally handicapped one. hes a toughie to talk to and to break potentially dangerous habits with. even spanking, threats and flat out abuse would not control his actions and habits. part of his disorder is that he only knows himself and what he wants, and the rest of the world doesnt matter to him. we could bring him to a funeral and he would be laughing. with that logic, his respect is impossible to earn. the best way to teach him, i found, was to take what is important to only him away. i think thats the way to discipline and learn self control.

 

[haileymametchi]

Spanking isn't right unless the child has done something very bad such as participate in underage drinking, underage sex, and drugs.

 

[Midorime]

Spanking isn't right unless the child has done something very bad such as participate in underage drinking, underage sex, and drugs.

Um, by the time they get into those things they are teenagers, more than likely mid to late teens. I seriously doubt parents spank teenagers.

And there's no such thing as 'underage sex.' There's statutory rape which is an adult having sex with someone who is under 18, but teens having sex is not 'underaged' and it's not against the lawn and it's actually very common. If an adult has sex with one who is under 12, then it's not even a conscious thing by the child and therefore punishment goes to the adult as it's pedophilia and also rape.

Underaged drinking is taken care of by grounding a teenager or them getting arrested for the night. Drugs is usually being arrested, period.

So for any of what you listed, 'spanking' wouldn't even be thought of as a punishment.

Sorry, but I just found your exceptions to be quite odd.

 

[The Ultimate Doomer]

Spanking isn't right unless the child has done something very bad such as participate in underage drinking, underage [censored], and drugs.

Spanking literally or figuratively? Also why would kids do stuff like that anyway? Bad parents?

Wouldn't it just be easier to first teach them what's good and bad, instead of waiting for them to go out and do bad stuff? Prevention is better than cure.

Edit: Oh oops, some words are blanked. The browser filter does that. e-e

 

[Eternal Mametchi Fan]

I was slapped in the face several times really hard when I was 3 - 6 for things like drawing on myself with pens, spilling water on the floor, and being left-handed but I turned out fine I think woooooo

I cry and have mental breakdowns a lot and I feel miserable all the time but it's because of other reasons derp

 

[Nazotchi25]

I was slapped in the face several times really hard when I was 3 - 6 for things like drawing on myself with pens, spilling water on the floor, and being left-handed but I turned out fine I think woooooo

I cry and have mental breakdowns a lot and I feel miserable all the time but it's because of other reasons derp

slapped for being left-handed? what year were you born in? 1900s?

That's a thing my great-uncle told me once, and he was born much earlier. My mother's left-handed and she wasnt told anything about it.

 

[x.Tori.x]

Spanking is okay in my opinion, however, only if it's the only method that works for the child. If time-outs or "talking to" 's work, do those instead.

 

[haileymametchi]

Whoops. Sorry about the word..