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8/10~I get it~

A man talking to god~

Man: If it takes one million years on earth, how long will that be in heaven, my lord?

God: A minute.

Man: Then my lord ... How much does a million dollars in this world worth for you?

God: A penny.

Man: Then give me a penny.

God: Just a minute.

 
9/10

hahahahahahahahahahahaahhaha!!! except u use the word god a lot, and god's NOT that stupid...

Goldy the Goldfish: We should weigh ourself

Angel the Angelfish: But we don't have any scales.

Goldy the Goldfish: Are you NUTZ?!?!

Angel the Angelfish: Mmm, yah, I like nuts.

*Goldy the Goldfish swims away, doing a huffy breath*

 
no joke

Knock,Knock

Who's there?

Lionel

Lionel who?

Lionel roar if you stand on his tail

 
7/10

Why did the girl put suger in her pyjamas?

She wanted to have sweet dreams

 
10/10. Gosh, it's tiny jokes like these that make me crack up.

What's the big movie that's hitting the screens of the bird cinemas?

Twiflight.

I made that up myself the other day...

 
9/10 not much of a twlight fan but that was funny

What do you get if you cross a toad with a galaxy?

Star Warts :3

I love this joke it made me laugh my head off

 
10/10, lol, that also made me crack up. Seriously, I start laughing at the most unlaughable and lamest things.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was

really pi**ed.

 

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the

driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

 

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke

up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box

gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

 

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought

the box back in the house.

 

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 

Bob has been missing since Friday.

I copied and pasted it >.<

It took a while for me to get it... it's kinda rude in a way.

 
8/10 I stillthink it's random BTW, mine meant a metal bar, not a pub bar

HM.........

One day the boss had had enough. His workers just didn't get it. They never did anything right. So, he grabbed two peices of paper and wrote "Think!" on them with a big magic marker, then posted his signs above the sinks in the restrooms. "They can't miss my message now," he thought to himself with satisfaction.

The next day the boss returned to one of the restrooms. He saw that just above the soap dispenser was a new sign that read "Thoap!"

 
... 6/10

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen." She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure." She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

 
9/10 FUNNY

Doctor: You must take four teaspoonsful of this medicence before every meal.

Small Patient: But we've only got three teaspoons!!!!

 
8/10

A guy was riding the city bus, and all of a sudden, he really had to fart. So deciding that the music was loud enough, he could relieve himself with the beat of the songs. So after a couple of songs he was completely fine, nothing left.

When his stop came, he got up and everybody on his way out were just staring at him.

Then he realized that he had his iPod on.

 
9/10 XD

Three men were at a pub. A genie came up to them and asked them where they wanna be.

The first man said ''A hole full of money'' as he was already sliding down the slide into the hole.

The second man said ''A hole full of TV's'' as he was already sliding down the slide into the hole.

The third man said ''A hole full of -- WEEEEEEEEEEEE!'' as he was already sliding down into the hole.

The first man landed in a hole of money.

The second landed in a hole of TV's.

And the third, well, he landed in a hole full of wee.

That's my lame version of the proper joke.

 
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