Opinions, please? About serious past relationships.

[idkhaha]

Okay, so say you're in a relationship. Your partner's past ex, they've hurt them badly emotionally back before you. Do you think it's alright to not like the ex, at all? I don't want to say hate, but it's at that point. Would it be considered disrespectful to your current partner?

Of course I am not going to talk smack to their face, and not at all, actually. It just really, really bothers me that she was so mean and cruel to him. He gets really upset about it still, and it upsets me as well.

I just feel guilty for feeling such hatred for his ex. Is it wrong?

 

[ciara683]

You have every right to hate her. She hurt someone you love.

Though kind of odd for him to be upset with you when you are mad about her.

It would be a large red flag for me personally. If you can't get over your past you can't love the person in the present.

Too much baggage can strain a relationship.

 

[Nazotchi25]

Well i'd say you can dislike the Ex as much as you want.

My brother had dated a girl who i had hated for years before. She hated me too.

That girl was terrible and manipulating to my brother, and she was even disrespectful to my girlfriend and my Family.

Finally my brother clued in that this wasn't good and they are luckily no longer together.

To this day, I don't even spit in her direction.

 

[daniinthetardis]

It's fine to dislike what she's done to your partner - but once it's been spoken about between you two and somewhat 'resolved' it needs to be over. Don't let someone for his past ruin your present. You both need to focus on making what you have now the best that it can be.

 

[TamaMum]

Okay, so say you're in a relationship. Your partner's past ex, they've hurt them badly emotionally back before you. Do you think it's alright to not like the ex, at all? I don't want to say hate, but it's at that point. Would it be considered disrespectful to your current partner?

Of course I am not going to talk smack to their face, and not at all, actually. It just really, really bothers me that she was so mean and cruel to him. He gets really upset about it still, and it upsets me as well.

I just feel guilty for feeling such hatred for his ex. Is it wrong?

Maybe you are looking at this from the wrong angle.

You're right about hate - it's a very negative thing and it doesn't help build any relationship (even if it is directed towards someone else).

You really like your partner and you feel sad when he feels sad, so it seems to me that a more positive thing to do would be to try to help him move on and focus on the relationship you two have now and how to keep it good and happy and comfortable rather than thinking about and talking about someone who is in the past.

Right or wrong, hatred for someone you don't personally know will not improve your relationship with your partner and it's just not worth allowing it to impact on you and potentially spoil your relationship. Focus on your feelings for your partner - not your feelings for his ex - she's not important any more

 

[Midorime]

I agree with TamaMum. It's normal to dislike people who hurt those you love, but there comes a time when it's best to move on as well. Do not dwell on it, or all either of you will feel is hatred/sadness, and then you guys cannot bond well because you're too busy wasting emotion on something that's in the past and is meaningless.

 

[pyrotarukia]

I think it's ok to dislike what she did but I don't think you should hate her if you don't know her because there are 2 sides to every story unless you were there or she has done something to you, you still don't know her and she might not be all that terrible.

I've been in a relationship where my ex told me all about how nasty his ex before me was and his whole family told me she was psycho but i didn't pay attention to them because she had nothing to do with me so who am I to judge a person I don't know. Later that year we were out at a gig and she got drunk and tried to start a fight with me (I assume through jealousy) so I then decided I didn't like her but you know what after me and my ex broke up (on good terms may I add we're still friends) that didn't stop his sister talking trash about me saying I was nasty and all this random rubbish that wasn't true because she felt like she had to stand up for her brother or something. Anyway since then he has gotten back with that girl and they are getting married next year, we've both put past behind us and I'm very happy for them both

Point is just because bad things are said about others doesn't mean it's true. You should only speak of what you know from what you experience not from what you hear. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that talk badly of exes either to make them look bad because they are bitter or because they aren't over them.

This might not be the case for your boyfriend but you still shouldn't hate someone you don't know

 

[Eternal Mametchi Fan]

People can do terrible things, but they can also change in miraculous ways. Does your partner's ex still hurt him? If not, you should just try to ignore her. Spend lots of happy times with your boyfriend to help him overcome the bad things he has been through. He will love you even more for it If he's upset about her too, you can dislike her as much as you want but I don't see the reason to talk to him about it. Trust me, thinking too much about what people were like in the past is one of the worst things you can do. I learned the hard way that bringing back unwanted memories just fills a relationship with pain. Everyone makes mistakes. No relationship can be stress-free, but try to focus and the present and keep eachother as happy as possible!

I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck~

 

[dazzilitchigirl]

Well, since you're looking for opinions, my opinion is that you shouldn't dislike someone you don't know. People do exaggerate and speak badly of exes, especially if it was their ex that ended the relationship. Unless you KNOW that she did it on purpose, was intending to hurt him and isn't sorry, my opinion is that you shouldn't hate her.