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diva99

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MOON [LOTS OF CHEESE]
ok i think all most everyone knows that awhile ago my internet got cut off. before i got it back on again i wrote a whole heap of r.ps because i missed them so much this is one of them tell me i u want me to continue because i will i ahve lotsa fun writin these i will take requests and i have done a hole heap of different ones including naruto i have 3 different naruto ones because i had to keep starting again because i would finish one and them i would move on to the next like a sequil(sp) oh well enjoy this one! ^.^

south symphony R.P

South Symphony R.P

This r.p is about kids 16 years and under go to this school for musical talent

Form~

Name

Age

Gender

Personality

Other

What you do musical wise

Looks

Mine~

Kymiko usher

14

Girl

Mixed

None

Sing, drums

Looks ->

Arron uchiha

16

Boy

Keeps to himself

He has a sister but she went missing when he was small

He plays the guitar and sings if he has to and plays the drums

Looks ->

Jamie Ushi

15

Girl

Fun bubbly

None

Sings

Looks ->

Kagome uzumaki

14

Girl

Mixed

Her dad died when she was small

She does anything

Looks ->

There are others

START

Kagome is walking around wondering where her dorm is

Kagome: this place, it’s huge I don’t think I will ever get use to it

Jamie: you will

Kagome turns around and sees Jamie

Jamie: the name is Jamie, and your new here aren’t you

Kagome: nice to meet you, my name is kagome and yes I am new

Jamie: tell me your dorm number and I will show you I have been here a year already

Kagome: oh it’s 112

Jamie: no way! That’s my I guess were bunk buddies

Kagome: bunk buddies

Jamie: yer cool hey

Kagome: yer cool

Jamie: so what are you doing here?

Kagome: um, I have come to learn

Jamie: were you home schooled?

Kagome: uh huh

Jamie: that explains a lot, what do you do play, sing whatever

Kagome: oh I play the piano

Jamie: oh cool I sing we should be a pair

Kagome: cool

Jamie: come on you have a lot of gear there lets go to our room

Kagome: ok thanks

Kagome and Jamie take their stuff to their room and go to explore the campus and they here someone playing a guitar and singing “the kill*” by 30 seconds 2 mars they peek through the crack in the door

Kagome: who is that?

Jamie: arron, he is cute talented and this is his last year at south symphony

Kagome: he, he is cute

Jamie: that’s the spirit girl

Kagome looks at Jamie and smiles

Arron finishes and Jamie and kagome walk in

Jamie: you’ve gotten better arron

Arron: oh hi Jamie thanks, and who is this

When there is a star like this -> * after a song it means you Can listen to the music on this computer

Kagome blushes

Kagome: I am kagome uzumaki

Arron: uzumaki!

Jamie: you never told me your last name was uzumaki!

Kagome: you never asked

Arron: naruto uzumaki was the winner of the first ever-south symphony eisteddfod

Kagome: yer he is my dad

Jamie: cool

Arron: he did every thing what do you do

Kagome: I am pretty plain I just play the piano and sing a little

Arron: want to do a trio in the opening ceremony? It’s in a couple of weeks

Jamie: I am in

Kagome: ok

Jamie: can you play the electric guitar?

Arron: yer

Jamie: and kagome, can you play the keyboard

Kagome: easily

Jamie: and you said you sing a little right?

Kagome: right

Jamie: then we have our trio

Arron: cool, what song will we do?

Jamie: maybe um… um…. I don’t know

Arron: I have no idea either

Kagome: what about something new like that is in our days, you know the 21st century

Jamie: I love it!

Arron: so do I good thinking kagome

Kagome: thanks

Jamie: you guys wait here I am just going to get my CDs

Arron: be quick

Jamie: I will

Jamie leaves

Arron: so do you want to listen to a song I wrote?

Kagome: I’d love to

Arron: it’s called if every one cared

Arron picks up his guitar and sings “if everyone cared*”

Jamie: I am back

Kagome cool what songs did you bring

Jamie puts a CD in the stereo

Arron: we better chose before free period is up

They flick through about12 songs before they come to “every time we touch*” by cascada

Kagome: stop there that’s perfect

Arron: it would be perfect for you to sing

Jamie: wait arron don’t you play drums as well!

Arron: I do to this is the perfect song

Jamie: kagome, you could DJ because that would be perfect

Arron: if only we had a wiz kid and a computer we could program the computer and then kagome could sing with you Jamie

Jamie: yer but where are we going to find a wiz kid and a wiz kid who will give us his or her computer to use

Kagome: um…

Arron: yer kagome!

Kagome: follow me

Kagome grabs Jamie and arron’s arms and drags them to her dorm they go inside and she pulls out a laptop

Kagome: this is mine

She starts it up

Kagome hand me your CD Jamie

Jamie: ok

She hands kagome her CD kagome reaches into her bag and pulls out a blank disc

Arron: what are you doing?

Kagome: you’ll see

Jamie: hay arron you should’ve seen her when we first met

Kagome puts the two CDs into the hard drive she fiddles on her computer for a little bit then pulls out the original CD

Kagome: we wanted the voice cut out didn’t we?

Jamie: yer

Arron: why?

Kagome presses a button on her computer and the song plays with just the music

Arron: oh my god kagome you’re a computer wiz

Kagome: most piano players are they need to compose on computers

Jamie: kagome you rock, who said you were plain

They all laugh

The bell rings

Jamie: time to go to class

Kagome: what room

Kagome hands Jamie a piece of paper Jamie reads it

Jamie: ok your first class is just down the hall room 2A and then ask your teacher for the next directions

Kagome: thanks

Arron: you guys we are going to be late

They all go to class

The bell rings

They all meet up at kagome and Jamie’s dorm

Arron arrives with this girl hanging off of him

Arron: hi guys

Jamie: and this is

The girl ->

Arron: oh this is um Ella, now Ella I told you this in my girlfriend

Arron throughs Ella off of him and runs over to kagome and puts his arm around her

Arron: right sweetie

He gives kagome and Jamie a wink

Kagome: oh, ah um yer right, who is this girl um, honey

Jamie giggles but swipes her hand over her mouth

Ella: oh well um I guess I will be seeing you, but!

Ella gets up in kagome’s face

Ella: I am watching you

Ella struts off

Jamie kagome and arron all let out a sigh

Arron: Jamie are you thick! You giggled that nearly ruined it

Jamie: well it was too hard to resist

Kagome: what was that about

Arron: that girl’s name is ella sautés she has a major crush on me since I first came here so she hangs off of me until I say yes on going out on a date

Kagome: ok

Jamie: arron you should apologise to kagome

Arron: yer sorry

Kagome: for what?

Arron: for making you my girlfriend

Kagome: what do you mean?

Jamie: the whole pretend girlfriend stunt he just pulled put you in danger of your life

Kagome: IN DANGER! What do you mean!

Arron: last time I did that on a girl she was beaten up so bad by Ella she didn’t leave the nurses office for a month

Kagome: SO YOU DECIDED TO DO THE SAME THING TO ME! REAL SMART!

Arron: I’m sorry really sorry

Kagome: I’m dead I’m dead I’M DEAD! No wait I know who is dead

Jamie: who?

Arron: who?

Kagome: YOU!

Arron: 0.0 uh oh

Jamie laughs uncontrollably

Jamie: your in for it now arron

Arron: I should run

Kagome: you have till the count of five, 1…

Arron bolts

Kagome: 5!

Kagome runs after arron

Jamie waves them both off but she is still laughing

Kagome catches up to arron in the park

Arron: man you can run girl

Kagome: I’ll take that as a compliment

Arron and kagome are running side-by-side and they both trip and roll down a hill

Arron thinks: I have never met a girl like kagome she is so cool

They stop rolling and they get up

Arron: are you still trying to kill me?

They are both panting and dusting themselves off

Kagome: nah I’m too tired

Arron: thank god

Kagome: you should

They both sit down and laugh

Kagome lies down and arron goes and lies beside her

Arron: kagome…

Kagome: yer

Arron: your different

Kagome: um… should I say thank you!

Arron sits up

Arron: maybe, you’re different to the other girls

Kagome: in which way? Worse or better then them

Arron: better you’re athletic a good singer you’re the daughter of the great naruto uzumaki and your not afraid to pound me all the other girls are not athletic because they’re probably to afraid to break a nail or something they aren’t even great at what they do and they would never want to pound me because they would be afraid that I wouldn’t date them after wards and they aren’t wiz kids on the computer

Kagome: thanks arron

Arron lies back down

Arron: no worries

Kagome: you know what

Arron: what?

Kagome: I thought I would have heaps of friends here because my dad was famous here I didn’t think I would have any friends that actually wanted to be friends because of me my personality

Arron: well I guess you were wrong

Kagome smiles

Kagome: what time do we have to be back at south symphony?

Arron: our curfew is ten

Kagome: and what is the time now

Kagome stands up arron sits up

Arron: it’s 5:30pm why? Do you want to go or something

Kagome: no I was just wondering

Arron hears something in the bushes

Arron: don’t look now but we are being followed

Kagome spins round to arron and sits down

Kagome: by who

Arron: I think it is Ella

Kagome: oh the girl that is going to kill me because of you

Arron: don’t be silly kagome she won’t kill you… she’ll just hurt you really bad ^.^

Kagome hits arron in the arm

Kagome: don’t even joke

Arron: ^.^ I’ve got an idea to get Ella off my back

Kagome: for good, I’ll do anything to help

Arron: don’t worry you will play a big role in this

Kagome: what?

Arron: hold still

Kagome: why?

Arron grabs kagome’s chin with one hand and kisses her

Kagome: 0.0… -.-

They stop kissing

Ella: 0.0 that little… oh she is so dead

Ella leaves

Kagome: oh wow

Jamie: nice one arron

Arron and kagome look up and on top of the hill there’s Jamie

Kagome: Jamie when did you get here

Arron: yer when!

Jamie runs down to them

Jamie: I’ve been here long enough, anyway I came to show you guys this

Kagome: before you show us anything…

Kagome closes her eye makes a fist and punches arron in the stomach

Arron: 0.0 ow!!! That hurt what was it for I just kissed you what’s wrong with that

Jamie: haha

Kagome: oh there’s nothing wrong with the kiss it’s the fact you did it infront of Ella

Arron: huh?

Jamie: you’re thick arron when you kissed kagome infront of Ella you condemned her to death

Arron: oh sorry bout that ^.^

Kagome: you should be! Anyway what was it you were going to show us?

???: Hay guys!

They all look up to the top of the hill and there is a girl standing there

All: KYMIKO! You know her! Of course I do! Stop saying what I say!

Arron: wait how do you know Kymiko, kagome Jamie and I know her from last year at school

Kagome: she is my cousin

Arron: oh yer I can see… actually I can’t see the resemblance

Kagome: no one can but we are the same in the face

Kymiko runs down to them and stands next to kagome

Kymiko: can you see it!

Jamie: nope not a single bit of similarity

Kagome: whatever

Arron: ok without anymore interruptions, Jamie was going to say…

Jamie: oh right

She holds up a poster

Jamie: it’s a disco and you have to bring a date

Kymiko: a disco this close to the begging of the year

Arron: I wonder if they are looking for an act

Kagome: date!

Jamie: yer and the boys have to ask the girls

Kymiko: and if you don’t get a date?

Jamie: you can still go even if you don’t have a date

Kagome: where do you get this stuff?

Jamie: in the 6th hall on the student notice board

Arron: we have a student notice board?

Kymiko: we have a 6th hall

Kagome: ok then are you guys going?

Jamie: yer I hope a boy asks me

Kymiko: ditto

Kagome: yer cool ^.^

Arron looks at kagome and blushes

Arron: yer um I don’t know who I will ask

He puts his hands behind his head

Kagome looks at arron

Kagome: oh well I have an idea

She walks away

Jamie: Aaron, Aaron, Aaron

Jamie runs after kagome

Aaron: and that was about…?

Kymiko hits him on the head and then runs off

Jamie finds kagome in a room fiddling with a electric guitar she is about to go over when kagome stands up and walks over to the piano and starts play the beat for “listen to your heart*”

Kagome starts singing the words

Jamie: did she write that?

Kymiko: write what?

Jamie turns around and sees Aaron and Kymiko behind her

Jamie: that song she is singing

Arron walks in

Kagome: oh hi

Arron: don’t stop playing

He picks up the guitar and starts to play

Kymiko and Jamie walk in Jamie starts to sing and Kymiko goes to the drums

They all play

They stop

Jamie: wow that was great

Kymiko: sure was

Jamie starts to sing “what if I’m right*”

Kymiko: #you’ll always take the fruit bowl and let me watch my show#

Kagome: # … lover and both change the covers…

Jamie: #… what if I’m right…#

They stop

Kagome: wow

Kymiko: yer

Jamie: I was just thinking about what arron said before

Arron: and that was?

Jamie: if they are looking for a act for the dance

Kagome: I hope so we would be perfect

Kymiko: yer we have a drummer a singer and piano player a guitar player

Aaron: I don’t think I will go….

Kagome: 0.0

Kymiko: WHAT WHY?

Aaron: I don’t see the point

Jamie: SINCE WHEN DID U NEED A POINT!

Aaron: since now ok!

Jamie: BUT….

Kagome: but why u need a point when you near me!

Aaron: well I don’t have one!

Kymiko: fine if your not going then im not going!

Jamie: WHAT!

Kagome stands up and walks out

Kagome: dang him!

She walks off

Jamie: now see what you’ve done

Aaron: what, what, what have I done! Where’s the fire!

Kymiko goes up to Aaron and grabs his shirt

Kymiko: you are so dumb!

Aaron: thanks a lot!

Jamie: I’m going to find kagome!

 
I hope you're asking for critiques, 'cause I'm giving one.

It's good that you're putting effort into making stories. However, you should probably try to focus your stories into original characters. Naruto roleplays are okay, but they aren't fun if they're filled with typical, boring characters. It might also be better Anot to dump characters from their original time periods into different places. It is harder for them to be themselves, you know :angry: Just because a character has the name of a canon you like doesn't make them fit in. It just makes your character less original.

I've read a few parts, and they're really funny. But the flow of the story isn't very easy to understand. I know that roleplays are really more for having fun and such, but it's easier on everyone if the story is good with the eyes. That way, people won't see a giant text wall and be scared off from reading it. Try adding actual grammar, punctuation, and some more descriptive elements.

Could add some of that for your typing, too :ph34r:

 
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