Let Me Die

[Tamagirl_Desy]

I've been working on this poem for two weeks, but it still isn't perfect. My teacher thought it was great, but it scared her a little. x.x

Let Me Die

Let me die

Because I do not belong here

Let me drown in my tears

As I did such long ago

Let me fly away on my broken wings

Because inside I am dying

And I just need to get away

Just let me drop to my knees and cry

Let me bleed for who the he** knows why

Let me die away and fade into the darkness

Let me bleed

Let my soul be torn apart

Let my mangled body haunt in your dreams

My tears became too much

It was no longer worth it

No longer worth dying and bleeding and needing

Just let me fly on my broken wings

Just let me die

Rip off my lips so that we can no longer kiss

Cut off my hand so that we may never touch

Chop off my ear so I will never hear you

Take out my eyes so I will never see you

Just let me die

 

[pyonchit]

I like it. Why don't you try putting it on deviantart and see what they think?

 

[holol]

that is the best poem i evered seeen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :furawatchi:

 

[Balobo]

I've been working on this poem for two weeks, but it still isn't perfect. My teacher thought it was great, but it scared her a little. x.x
Let Me Die

Let me die

Because I do not belong here

Let me drown in my tears

As I did such long ago

Let me fly away on my broken wings

Because inside I am dying

And I just need to get away

Just let me drop to my knees and cry

Let me bleed for who the he** knows why

Let me die away and fade into the darkness

Let me bleed

Let my soul be torn apart

Let my mangled body haunt in your dreams

My tears became too much

It was no longer worth it

No longer worth dying and bleeding and needing

Just let me fly on my broken wings

Just let me die

Rip off my lips so that we can no longer kiss

Cut off my hand so that we may never touch

Chop off my ear so I will never hear you

Take out my eyes so I will never see you

Just let me die

Awesome!!! That is way better then my poetry...

 

[Gejitchi]

HONEST CRITQUE FOLLOWS. Beware.

There are many clichés that make an appearence in this poem. Broken wings, drowning in tears, dying inside, and to a certain extent the removal of sensory organs are all constants amongst angst-ridden poems such as this one. To be fair, dying inside and removal of sensory organs are very broad, and thus they are almost acceptable when used in your poem. but broken wings and drowing in tears? These are stock lines that can be used to fill any sad poem. I feel like I've read this poem before. It is decent and could easily be read alloud; it doesn't "suck." However, it is utterly lacking in any sort of originality.

 

[cutie_pop]

I like it! It's very good. ^.^

 

[tamatalker101]

*clap clap clap clap* I love it!!!!! Keep writing!!!!!

 

[Locky458]

Let me die away and fade into the darkness

Let me bleed

Hm.. Those 2 lines didn't rhyme, and some parts didn't... I love your poem it sounds good but you were overusing some words a bit in my opinion, and I didn't really feel the bleed part.

Good job!

P.S. Is that just a poem or the mood that you're feeling now or before?

 

[TamaPATCHI]

Poems don't have to rhyme, Locky.

I thought it was great! Great describing words, but a little to sick and stuff for me - 8.5/10

 

[Tamaguy2]

1/10

 

[Locky458]

1/10

How come?

Just wondering.. Usually if someone rates something low, they have a reason why they dislike it..

 

[TamaPATCHI]

Probably because it is to sick or disgusting. Also maybe it used a swear word in the middle of the poem.