Cant take it anymore

[Tamagirl_Desy]

I am so sick and tired of my family.

Esepcially my mom, because all we ever do is fight.

She is too sensitive to EVERYTHING I say, and then the rest of my family takes her side and makes me feel like an idiot. We fight everyday, and I'm made out to be the bad guy.

For example, here was our conversation today,

Me: If we went to Vegas for our vacation, you and dad would be at the casinos all the time.

Her: No we wouldn't. We'd go a few times, though.

Me: Exactly. I wouldn't find it fun to be stuck in a hotel for 5 hours.

Her: -gets all mad- I WOULDNT BE GOING ALL THE TIME.

Me: I KNOW! But even if it was once or twice, I hate being stuck in hotel rooms alone with my brother.

Her: Okay, fine! We're not going ANYWHERE now!

Brother: *blah blah blah blah*

Me: Stop taking her side, when you know yourself we'd have nothing to do a majority of the time.

Her: Whatever.

Me: That's why I'd rather go somewhere like Florida.

Her: -says nothing- -looks at vacations for just adults-

Me: Oh, so now I'm cut off entirely?

Her: dang right you are!

Me: WHATEVER. I don't want to go anyways.

I know I could have handled it better, but this happens all the time.

And I seriously can't take it anymore.

We try and talk it out, and find ways we wont fight, but we always do.

And everyone thinks it's my fault!

GHR.

 

[anime_fan1]

o.o'

That's so weird.

I just had almost the exact same argument with my mom.

My parents always reply with something that's stupid and makes no sense when I argue with them.

They just can't accept that they're wrong and I'm pointing out something true >.>

When you find a solution on how to put up with your parents, PLEASE, let me know.

 

[Tamagirl_Desy]

I still havent found a way....

After that little argument, I bugged her to do my hair because she had promised me she'd do it.

Then she wouldn't do it anymore. I got upset, and ran upstairs.

About 20 minutes later, she came up and agreed to do my hair.

While she was reading the instructions, I tried to apoligize, but things just got worse...

Me: Sorry for saying what I said, but I just don't find Vegas a place for kids!

Her: I DONT CARE. I looked up places in Florida, not just Vegas.

Me: I know! I'm just stating my opinion Florida is better for a family vacation.

Her: WELL WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE NOW! OKAY? YOU HAPPY? YOU'VE RUINED IT FOR EVERYBODY!

Me: How? Just because I said you and dad would go to the casinos? That's sad. And you know it's true that you would.

Her: UGHHH. I feel like not letting you go on that school trip now and getting my money back

Me: WHATEVER. MAYBE IT WOULD JUST BE BETTER IF I KILLED MYSELF, OR RAN AWAY! THEN I WOULDNT BE A HASSLE!

Her: -says nothing-

Me: EXACTLY! YOU CAN'T DENY IT BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

Her: Yeah. It is true. I'd get my money back, that's for sure.

Me: OH HOW NICE. -starts to cry-

Her: I'm not friggin doing your stupid hair then! -runs off-

Me: -cries for about a half an hour, sobbing and having an asthma attack-

 

[Self:.:Pity]

That sounds about what happens to me a lot.

I kind of just take it. Yelling gets me hit ._.

But listen to this- if she ever goes so far as to hit you and leave a bruise, get yourself out of the house, and out of the family. You shoulnt have to take abuse from someone like that.

Even verbal abuse is an offense. Dont let her hurt you like that.

The only reason I dont get myself away from my house is because I have a horde of brothers who do love and help me, and a sister who supports me, and I wouldnt want to lose that. When I get in a fight, I leave for a while, to somewhere out of the house where she cant hurt me.

I dont exactly know what to say to help, but I would if I could >.>

It may be worse for you because your brother is a brownnoser to your mother, and that, I cant really help with.

 

[Cullen]

Oh, Tamagirl_Desy!

That last thing, That she agreed it would be better if you were gone, you need to leave for awhile, you say no one takes your side, it's not good to be in a place like that, it's bad for your health, your mind, everything. I think you need to just, avoid being in the house as much as possible, which will also show her what it would be like to have to deal with your brother without you, and know what it would be like if you were gone. Besides that, justr avoid talking to her at all, and if she says something rude, ignore it, it's better, let it eat her alive, she'll realize what she did was wrong.

That might be considered verbal abuse, too. From what I see of you around the forums you're a good person, you don't deserve this type of treatment. No one does. You don't have to deal with it, if you have to it's better to threaten her to telling someone about that last conversation. That'll get her worried, and she'll treat you better, also, refuse to help with your brother, and rarely show yourself around her.. It will limit the fighting, and it will, once again, show her what it would be like (God forbid.) without you.

Either way, limit your time around her, to prevent the fighting.

Good luck, :]

 

[bratztroxg]

That's so sad. =(

The second argument especially seemed pointless but upsetting for both of you. Maybe you could help limit these shouting matches by trying to be more tolerant of her, however annoyed she may make you. My little brother often annoys the heck out of me but I try to be positive and stay nice to him, because at the end of the day we're family and we love each other. Try not to start conversations with even slightly accusatory remarks. For example, with this whole Vegas-Florida thing, try to be thankful that you're getting a holiday at all, and instead of listing your reasons why you'd hate it in Vegas, just say the positives about going to Florida!!

Good luck, I hope I could help in some way. =3

 

[Pussycat]

Maybe you could reaon with her and create a compromise. I am not saying that your parents should go to the casino a lot on your holiday but maybe they should have some time to do what they enjoy too. If it gets too much, you may need to spend some time in a different atmosphere as Cullen said.

Also, try not to give the first snide comment or remark. It is not your fault is she starts a conversation like that.

 

[Cinderpelt]

Sounds like the drama that goes on between me and my mother.

What I don't get are my mom's aweful mood swings. Sometimes she'll be in a great mood - and I'll decide to bring something up (i.e. going to someone's house) that I normally wouldn't bring up when she was in a bad mood. Sometimes that works out just fine - and then other times her mood will completely flip and I'll get screamed at and grounded. I don't understand what triggers her mood swings, still after all these years.

My mom holds grudges too. I learned that when I was like, 6. I was in first grade, and just became best friends with Sarah, who is still my best friend. I told my mom that I wanted her to put me up for adoption, so Sarah's mom could adopt me so we could be sisters. An innocent statement coming from a 6 year old, right? The point I was making then wasn't that I wanted a new mom. It was that I wanted Sarah to be my sister. Well my mom screamed at me and wouldn't talk to me for over a week, no matter how many times I'd apologize. Even my dad told her that I didn't really mean it, but she only came around when I gave her something.

I can't stand being in a tense household, so when I get in a fight with my mom, I buy her something. It's shallow, I know. But she won't let me even speak to her, or apologize. So I buy her a pair of earings or something, and then she cries and says she's so sorry.

And she thinks that she can like, buy me. I'll get in a fight with her, and I'll get, "Well I just bought you xxxx! You could at least be a little nicer to me!" I got in a huge fight with her this summer, I told her that she couldn't just buy me things to make me happy, and that I'm not that shallow. Her response? Well she didn't believe me. She called me shallow and material.

We got into an arguement the other night. I can't even remember how it started, but it was a light-hearted discussion between me, her, and my dad. And I told her how I don't like to apologize her, because, like you Tamagirl_Dessy, she just gets upset and starts ranting again. There's no, "Oh, I accept your apology. It's alright." No. I get screamed at again. I brought this up to her in a nice manor, and I got yelled and told to get away and leave her alone.

But I don't really blame my mom. She can be very nice; she's just terribly moody and has a terrible temper. Being a severe abuse victim as a child, I suppose she doesn't really know any better. She doesn't physically hurt me, but sometimes her actions and words do.

----

Now, off of my rant, and onto some advice for you.

I know that it's frustrating, and I know that it's hard, but it would be better in the long run if you just don't give her a response to something. "Talking back" is what it can be called, and is what I get burned with, whether I realize I'm doing it or not. Start picking which battles are worth it, and which just aren't. It's better in the long run - it can stop a discussion from turning into an arguement. My mom always tells me that she doesn't need my opinion, and it's not important because I'm only a child. Upon occassion I actually take that advice and don't say anything on a topic, and then there's no fight. It's difficult, and it takes time getting used to biting your tounge, but it can help.

There's probably not much to do - as I can see that even trying to resolve things with your mother could spark another fight. Just try to keep a possitive frame of mind.

Remember that you can't change other people. You can't make your mom 'nicer', or more tolerant, or less ranty. The only person you can change is yourself. Make yourself more pleasent and hopefully it will domino to other members of the family.

 

[>...Missbehave...<]

Sounds similar to me and my Dad. A while ago my Mum came home from work and I was in a mood because my Dad was in a mood. So she asked me what was wrong and I said, "Him." so my Dad called me to the living room:

Dad: Who's him?

Me: You.

Dad: You don't call me him, I'm your father

Me: I know

Dad *sits up*: DON'T PLAY ALL SMART ON ME YOUNG LADY!!!

Me: I'm not playing smart I'm just-

Dad: JUST WHAT?!

Me: Calm down, I just called you "Him"

Dad: DON'T BE SO CHEEKY!!!

Me: Um...Sorry

Dad: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY?!

So we were arguing for a while about that then he started slagging off Jacqueline Wilson (I liked her books at the time):

Dad: Are you getting this off Jacqueline Wilson's crap?!

Me *didn't hear properly*: Pardon?

Dad: ARE YOU GETTING YOUR ATTITUDE OFF JACQUELINE BLEEPING WILSON?!

Me:...No...

Dad: Of course you're not *sarcastic*

Me: What makes you think that? You haven't even read it.

Dad: I don't need to read it to know that it's horrible crap.

And before I knew it he started slagging off my friend as well (who I'll call V):

Me: I don't copy books. I'm not that sad.

Dad: So why are you so cruel to your sisters?

Me: I'm not cruel.

Dad: Yes you are, leaving L out of everything.

Me: Well if she was nice to me, I'd be nice to her.

Dad: *blah blah blah (I didn't bother listening)*

Me: What's L got to do with this anyway?

Dad: You're getting your attitude from V, aren't you?

Me: How am I?

Dad: She's mean to her sister.

Me *confuzzled because V was ok-ish to her sister*: She's not mean.

Dad: Yes she is, and she's fat.

Me *almost crying*: DAD!

Dad: I'm being honest. And you think you're fat, trust me, V's a lot fatter than you, young lady.

(BTW, V weighed less than me)

Then after that he started slagging off my other friends, my hobbies, the story I was writing (he wasn't even meant to read that!), things I liked, my homework (I almost always done my home work, I just moaned about doing it), my schoolwork and saying stuff like "Harry BLEEPING Potter isn't going to get you far, it's time you started thinking about your future!" and he was just yelling all this stuff and he ripped one of the pages out of my Jacqueline Wilson book then he just said, "I'll never get through your thick skull" and stormed off.

Well, Ok, he isn't always that bad. He's been nicer since we got cats but everytime he asks me to do something and I do it wrong he groans at me and says, "I'll do it since your so idiotic" and walks off and does it muttering about "being surrounded by morons".

A lot of people have arguments with their parents. In fact it's just an average part of a pre-teens/teenagers life.

Another time he picked me up from school when I'd been on a school trip to the Scottish Parliment and bought a Wallet for him with my £5. My friend's mum asked if I could go to my friends house and my Dad said that we were busy. I got irritated because he always said that and we never were busy and when we got into the house I started moaning at him and he yelled at me and shut himself in the living room. I said sorry twice and he just went "Merrr.". Then I said that I'd gotten him a present then gave him the Wallet. He just snatched it without saying anything so I just mooched up to my room in a mood.

 

[FireCracker]

I still havent found a way....
After that little argument, I bugged her to do my hair because she had promised me she'd do it.

Then she wouldn't do it anymore. I got upset, and ran upstairs.

About 20 minutes later, she came up and agreed to do my hair.

While she was reading the instructions, I tried to apoligize, but things just got worse...

Me: Sorry for saying what I said, but I just don't find Vegas a place for kids!

Her: I DONT CARE. I looked up places in Florida, not just Vegas.

Me: I know! I'm just stating my opinion Florida is better for a family vacation.

Her: WELL WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE NOW! OKAY? YOU HAPPY? YOU'VE RUINED IT FOR EVERYBODY!

Me: How? Just because I said you and dad would go to the casinos? That's sad. And you know it's true that you would.

Her: UGHHH. I feel like not letting you go on that school trip now and getting my money back

Me: WHATEVER. MAYBE IT WOULD JUST BE BETTER IF I KILLED MYSELF, OR RAN AWAY! THEN I WOULDNT BE A HASSLE!

Her: -says nothing-

Me: EXACTLY! YOU CAN'T DENY IT BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

Her: Yeah. It is true. I'd get my money back, that's for sure.

Me: OH HOW NICE. -starts to cry-

Her: I'm not friggin doing your stupid hair then! -runs off-

Me: -cries for about a half an hour, sobbing and having an asthma attack-

just....wow

 

[Mimitchiz]

Happens to me too, but with my dad aswell.

They don't hit me or hurt me, just get SO sensitive.

But, I read the conversation and I think you shouldn't talk to your parents that way.

Saying that all they would be doing was going gambling isn't nice.

 

[~TearsxarexlikexStorms~]

-Hugs Desy-

Any mom that agrees you should be dead doesn't deserve to be a mom.

My parents are devorced, and my mom is a total..ugh. I used to visit her, thinking she was a good person and all. But recently I have seen other wise. Being mean to all of my family, calling up completly drunk and cursing at us or on messeges. Blaming ME for every bad decision she makes. And making me feel entirly guilty for things I can't control.

Ex-

Me: I know it's your weekend for visitation mom, but I got play tickets to go see Anne.

Mom: But its close to your birthday, I need to see you!

Me:I'm sorry mom...Can we do it Sunday-Monday because I have off?

Mom:No. I guess that is more important to you then your own MOTHER!

Me: -hangs up crying-

~~~~~

Yah.

Advice for you?

Sleep over a trusting friends house, you obviously need to get away from that environment for a while. Then when you come back, you'll have a clean slate. Although I do side with you on this, try not to bring up previous arguments, it makes things worse.

Lurv yah buddy &lt;33

 

[Aubrey Hepburn]

***Long post, but useful. At least as far as your not being alone in this is concerned.***

There are just some parents who don't seem to check their language and behaviour before they speak to their children. I know how difficult it is to deal with. You're not alone, TGD. Just hang in there. Remember that you definitely do start arguements sometimes...everyone does. BUT, know that it is not always your fault. Accepting the blame for every battle is unhealthy and, generally, unrealistic. It sounds like your mother is frustrated...possibly at your relationship with each other...and is sniping at you out of spite and pent up feelings. Not a good way to handle things, but unfortunately it is not terribly uncommon.

There has been ongoing wars at my house for 3 years now. I cannot speak to my father. He has become a very hard, disconnected, vengeful, controlling, tyrannical, nasty person towards my mother and I. He gets along very well with my brother, does everything for him. Has nothing to do with me. Won't even look at me if I'm in the house.

He holds the fact that he is "the only moneymaker" in the house over us, therefore, he feels he should be able to crush everyone under his thumb and lord it over us. He thinks that whatever he yells at us or threatens us with, we should unquestioningly do it. And, we all OWE everything to him because he CHOSE to have children and be a working husband. Being forced to obey every demand and shout from a person like this for those reasons doesn't work for me. So, he wants nothing to do with me or to know anything about what I do with my life.

My Mom and I have always gotten along...until the past year or so. I am literally always there for her, listening to all her complaints and problens with my father. Always. I make a point of supporting her no matter what. Lately, we have been fighting pretty badly, too, because she feels like her life is out of control. I am the only person who spends time around her...so she is starting to try to control me in strange ways. She tells me how I SHOULD and should NOT feel about things that hurt me alot. She tells me how I should phrase questions when speaking to her. How I should respond when she rants at me about her issues.

Funny thing is...my father upsets her badly by doing that to her. "Training" her how to talk. How it is "acceptable" to speak to him if she wants him to listen. Now, she is doing that very same thing to me.

**I spent a long time yesterday in a very upsetting arguement with my mother. I came home, and my father was there. I was feeling very unwell all day because of something that is likely going on with my heart. I said something about it in front of my father, and he scoffed and sarcastically asked "What do you THINK is wrong with you now?!". I tried to explain that it is likely that I have Mitral Valve Prolapse in my heart, and I am getting an Echocardiogram to fully diagnose it...and he burst out laughing. Then, he started yelling about how I am "self diagnosing" and he doesn't care at all to hear what might be wrong with me. And, that I'm ridiculous...and crazy.

**I offered to show him the book I was given about it...and he stood up and started yelling again about how I'm just stupid for reading a book about it. I got really mad at him then, made a remark at him about how little I respect those words coming from someone who chooses to live a "lifestyle" the way he does. He left and went to his other house...the one I'm not invited to.

It's always like this here anymore. So, I understand how much it hurts to be fighting with your parents. I would think that by my age, it would have gotten better...but it's only getting worse. I'm sorry I can't offer you any advice on how to deal with an irascible parent, TGD, besides just to find something that you LOVE to do and focus on it...and just to hang in there. I found that caring for animals keeps me sane. Find whatever *good* thing does the same for you.

 

[Pikachu Lover]

That is one mean mom O.O :[

 

[TAMAFAMiLY08]

Sounds similar to me and my Dad. A while ago my Mum came home from work and I was in a mood because my Dad was in a mood. So she asked me what was wrong and I said, "Him." so my Dad called me to the living room:
Dad: Who's him?

Me: You.

Dad: You don't call me him, I'm your father

Me: I know

Dad *sits up*: DON'T PLAY ALL SMART ON ME YOUNG LADY!!!

Me: I'm not playing smart I'm just-

Dad: JUST WHAT?!

Me: Calm down, I just called you "Him"

Dad: DON'T BE SO CHEEKY!!!

Me: Um...Sorry

Dad: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY?!

So we were arguing for a while about that then he started slagging off Jacqueline Wilson (I liked her books at the time):

Dad: Are you getting this off Jacqueline Wilson's crap?!

Me *didn't hear properly*: Pardon?

Dad: ARE YOU GETTING YOUR ATTITUDE OFF JACQUELINE BLEEPING WILSON?!

Me:...No...

Dad: Of course you're not *sarcastic*

Me: What makes you think that? You haven't even read it.

Dad: I don't need to read it to know that it's horrible crap.

And before I knew it he started slagging off my friend as well (who I'll call V):

Me: I don't copy books. I'm not that sad.

Dad: So why are you so cruel to your sisters?

Me: I'm not cruel.

Dad: Yes you are, leaving L out of everything.

Me: Well if she was nice to me, I'd be nice to her.

Dad: *blah blah blah (I didn't bother listening)*

Me: What's L got to do with this anyway?

Dad: You're getting your attitude from V, aren't you?

Me: How am I?

Dad: She's mean to her sister.

Me *confuzzled because V was ok-ish to her sister*: She's not mean.

Dad: Yes she is, and she's fat.

Me *almost crying*: DAD!

Dad: I'm being honest. And you think you're fat, trust me, V's a lot fatter than you, young lady.

(BTW, V weighed less than me)

Then after that he started slagging off my other friends, my hobbies, the story I was writing (he wasn't even meant to read that!), things I liked, my homework (I almost always done my home work, I just moaned about doing it), my schoolwork and saying stuff like "Harry BLEEPING Potter isn't going to get you far, it's time you started thinking about your future!" and he was just yelling all this stuff and he ripped one of the pages out of my Jacqueline Wilson book then he just said, "I'll never get through your thick skull" and stormed off.

Well, Ok, he isn't always that bad. He's been nicer since we got cats but everytime he asks me to do something and I do it wrong he groans at me and says, "I'll do it since your so idiotic" and walks off and does it muttering about "being surrounded by morons".

A lot of people have arguments with their parents. In fact it's just an average part of a pre-teens/teenagers life.

Another time he picked me up from school when I'd been on a school trip to the Scottish Parliment and bought a Wallet for him with my £5. My friend's mum asked if I could go to my friends house and my Dad said that we were busy. I got irritated because he always said that and we never were busy and when we got into the house I started moaning at him and he yelled at me and shut himself in the living room. I said sorry twice and he just went "Merrr.". Then I said that I'd gotten him a present then gave him the Wallet. He just snatched it without saying anything so I just mooched up to my room in a mood.

I don't think he had a right to be so disrespectful of your friends like that

 

[tamaw/pants]

I know that it's frustrating, and I know that it's hard, but it would be better in the long run if you just don't give her a response to something. "Talking back" is what it can be called, and is what I get burned with, whether I realize I'm doing it or not. Start picking which battles are worth it, and which just aren't. It's better in the long run - it can stop a discussion from turning into an arguement.  My mom always tells me that she doesn't need my opinion, and it's not important because I'm only a child. Upon occassion I actually take that advice and don't say anything on a topic, and then there's no fight. It's difficult, and it takes time getting used to biting your tounge, but it can help.
There's probably not much to do - as I can see that even trying to resolve things with your mother could spark another fight. Just try to keep a possitive frame of mind.

Remember that you can't change other people. You can't make your mom 'nicer', or more tolerant, or less ranty. The only person you can change is yourself. Make yourself more pleasent and hopefully it will domino to other members of the family.

Beat me to it this time, Cinder.

But yeah - back talking is probably what is getting you in the most trouble. These arguments really don't matter in the long run. Maybe you thought your were being fairly pleasant or just telling the cold truth but I can see where they may have taken it as a "I-know-better" attitude especially if they were excited about going.

In the second argument, for instance, in your apology you started fine and you added the "but." No matter what the apology you should never add the but - if you want to make amends, that is. You can explain yourself but once you add the 'but' like you did in this case you're basically canceling out the whole apology. I'm sure you meant to make a real apology but that's how it came out. She probably took it as "I'm trying to make amends but I'm not sorry for the same attitude you got angry with."

See what I'm saying? Instead it would probably would have gone over better if you just said "I'm sorry for yelling and back talking. I'm going to work on stopping from back talking to you." Even if you still hold true with what you said, keep in mind it was most likely the attitude and there's a better way you could have brought up your concerns.

After maybe the topic would come back again and instead of pointing fingers "YES YOU WILL BE GONE TO THE CASINO ALL DAY" [which is what it probably was like to your mother] you can just say maybe it would be more family fun to go to Florida, talk about the nice beach and actually offer to babysit your brother so they can have a night or two on the town.

Again, Cinder is right when she's talking about having an overall more pleasant attitude. I was in this phase where I was all 'blah' for no reason and I didn't try to but I know it did stress my family relations when I did this. My dad used to get really angry at me and it was mostly because I had a bad attitude. I finally realized I just needed to stop pitying myself and snap out of it. Things have been so much better. Maybe you should look at your overall attitude? You can't change there's but attitudes ARE contagious!

 

[illiey12]

Well things this bad don't usually happen with my mum, but she is overly sensitive. Just because I was all kissy and huggy with her until the age of 10, she expects me to give her giant kisses all the time now. Here's what we were talking about last night:

Mum: Good night dear *kisses*

Me: *Rolls over* Night mum.

Mum: Oh deary me, you never kiss me anymore.

Me: I do, Im just really tired.

Mum: Well Im also tired and I still have the energy to kiss my own daughter.

Me: Can't we just go to sleep now?

Mum: I'M NOT LEAVING TILL I GET MY KISS!

Me: Its already 12am, cant we just sleep?

Mum: KISS ME ALREADY!

Me: *mumbles* I'm just really tired now, ok? I'll kiss you in the morning.

Mum: YOUR BEHAVIOUR IS VERY UN-ACCEPTABLE. YOU MUST KISS ME NOW!

Me: *sits up* Fine! *kisses* Happy?

Mum: NO! IT HAS TO BE BIGGER THAN THAT!

Me: Geez, I kissed you and you're STILL not happy?

Mum: NO! YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL!

Me: Mum? How dare you do that to me?

Mum: *blah blah blah*

Me: *walks over to brother's room and locks door* Oh man, can I sleep with you tonight??

Brother: Sure....whatever..

That arguement was really pathetic in my opinion. There was some other stuff, but I'll post when I remember.

Ok, advice time.

Like other people said, you should go for a walk by yourself or go to a friend's house for a while. It'll help you un-wind. If you've got a cell phone, call up a friend. Talk to her/him and tell them how you feel. That seems to help me. If the friends are true friends than they'll definately listen to you.

~illiey

 

[blue_husky]

My mom and I usually get into fights wile shopping

when i use a sertin "tone" of voice (some times i do most of the time she just thinks it)

others is when she comes in my room and nags about cleaning my room

also when i use "tone" she raises her hand or fist like shes going to hit me

I HATE GETING IN FIGHT WITH HER!!!!!!!!

No mother should want there child to die of all things mabey if she gets to on edge you can stay with a friend untill things settle down.