jujiesings
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Comment away about my first story!
"Violetchi!" Comments
- Thread starter jujiesings
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It was kind of short and uneventful without any real plot to it. It could be a good story if it was longer.
jujiesings
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Thanks Im thinking about adding a sequel or maybe a more detailed version. Hope I do better next time!
The new one was better, but still short and uneventful. Try focusing on something other than Mametchi's death. Who was the psychologist Violetchi saw? What did her parents think? There needs to be an introduction to the characters before action begins, and more developed characters. Violetchi doesn't seem to have much of a personality. Also, the plot of the story needs to be more than just "Mametchi died in a weird way." Maybe he was murdered by an enemy for a reason and Violetchi has to discover who and why? The story definitely has a lot of potential and what you've written is a good start, but Mametchi's death happens too soon and there needs to be an introduction before it.
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jujiesings
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I tried again but I still feel like things are happening too fast!!!!! Sorry Dazz... 
SupahCow090
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I felt it was too short but I like these kinds of fan fictions. I like scary stuff and things like that so this is a great start!
I guess you should add more details and I think you should add conversations and introduce more characters but overall, this is a good fan fiction, could be better though. Looking forward for the revised version and the second part!
I guess you should add more details and I think you should add conversations and introduce more characters but overall, this is a good fan fiction, could be better though. Looking forward for the revised version and the second part!
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tamastar133
Well-known member
I think it was mostly about Mametchi dying hmm try making it bigger just a bit more and add more details
tinkeepie11
Well-known member
I agree with tamastar and dazzilichigirl. Just add some more of the story, bit by bit and it can turn out really good. I like the way you write, but there needs to be more of a plot. Good job
Eternal Mametchi Fan
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It was horrible! It made me cry! Mametchi dying! I liked what happened a few seconds before he was dead though. XD
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