The Tale of Twinkle and Sparky (Part 2): New Visitors-tchi! - Comments

[ChamametchiandMametchi]

Whaddaya think about the second part? Don't worry, I added the Tamagotchis to make it a crossover!

Whatever opinion you have, I will respect it! Thanks for reading "The Tale of Twinkle and Sparky", fellow members. I enjoy your company.

Part 3 will be out soon! Keep reading!

 

[dazzilitchigirl]

I like it. You're good at writing and have actually remembered simple things (spelling, punctuation etc.) as well as a writing style that is clear and doesn't sound like you're trying to be professional. It seems like you're writing about what you like and don't feel the need to add too much description, which is good.

Improvements:

• introduce characters slower, otherwise readers will lose track of their personalities
• more distinct personalities of the characters
• some sign of a problem/villain, they can't all be cute and playful
• hints at an approaching problem
• more on the characters' feelings and opinions

There aren't so many improvements because it's bad - I don't see many fan fictions here that are as good as yours. They're just because I'm trying to be helpful and you're ready to add those things into your writing without messing it up and confusing people. My stories get completely messed up and confusing when I try to use those things.

 

[ChamametchiandMametchi]

I like it. You're good at writing and have actually remembered simple things (spelling, punctuation etc.) as well as a writing style that is clear and doesn't sound like you're trying to be professional. It seems like you're writing about what you like and don't feel the need to add too much description, which is good.

Improvements:

• introduce characters slower, otherwise readers will lose track of their personalities
• more distinct personalities of the characters
• some sign of a problem/villain, they can't all be cute and playful
• hints at an approaching problem
• more on the characters' feelings and opinions

There aren't so many improvements because it's bad - I don't see many fan fictions here that are as good as yours. They're just because I'm trying to be helpful and you're ready to add those things into your writing without messing it up and confusing people. My stories get completely messed up and confusing when I try to use those things.

Thank you so much for your honest opinion. I will try to introduce a villain and make sure that I show the personality traits.

-Chama, Twinkle and Sparky