My Poem

[Richard8777]

Cry

My best friend,you ask me why

why im the kid,that never crys

Why i never shed a tear,when anyone else is near

its because my friend, noone needs to no,

the hurt and pain inside me now,

noone needs to know.

You're wrong my friend,i have indeed cryed

Beside my bed late at night

All that pain thats been bottled up

Just came out and started to erupt

In the form of tears

All that pain,it's now long gone

but every now and then

that pain escapes me,makes me so sad

even though he is now long gone

He is always near

You ask me,aren't you mad he left

It's okay to cry

I say I don't care,but that's a lie.

Those tears that left my eyes,prove one thing.

it's okay to cry---------

I wrote this poem in fifth grade. For an Assighnment,we hadto write about one of the saddest things thats ever happened to us,mine was my grandpa's death

I saw people were posted poems,so i decided to post one.

 

[tamaw/pants]

It was hard to read because it was 'txt tlk'. Try using correct grammar. :X

*Typo.*

 

[Tamagirl_Desy]

Um...I didn't really understand it. At all. I knew it was about crying, but thats about it.

Yup, TWP is right. It's in 'txt tlk'....you used that in an assigment? x.x I don't think your teacher would accept that.

 

[tamatalker101]

I kinda get it.

Please refrain from Txt tlk on the fourms.

 

[*LoVeLy.SwAn.23*]

It was hard to read because it was 'txt tlk'. Try using correct grammer. :X

You didn't even spell "grammar" right.

 

[GotchiGirl96]

Hey, at least she cares enough to put 2 extra seconds into her typing to make it understandable.

Anyways, please use correct spelling and grammar, and I hate text talk, so please don't use it. The poem was alright, and I'm so sorry about your grandpa.

 

[tamaw/pants]

You didn't even spell "grammar" right.

Type-o.

It was tipd lyk dis earlier. She fixed it.

Sorry about your grandpa. :[ Mine died some years back, too. I can't remember much but it was tough. I really think it's great you actualy found a way to express your feelings instead of keeping them all bottled up like I'd do.

 

[Tamagirl_Desy]

Cry

My best friend,you ask me why

why im the kid,that never crys

Why i never shed a tear,when anyone else is near

its because my friend, noone needs to no,

the hurt and pain inside me now,

noone needs to know.

You're wrong my friend,i have indeed cryed

Beside my bed late at night

All that pain thats been bottled up

Just came out and started to erupt

In the form of tears

All that pain,it's now long gone

but every now and then

that pain escapes me,makes me so sad

even though he is now long gone

He is always near

You ask me,aren't you mad he left

It's okay to cry

I say I don't care,but that's a lie.

Those tears that left my eyes,prove one thing.

it's okay to cry---------

I wrote this poem in fifth grade. For an Assighnment,we hadto write about one of the saddest things thats ever happened to us,mine was my grandpa's death

I saw people were posted poems,so i decided to post one.

I've reread your poem, and I'm going to point out the mistakes. The bolded words indicate things I've corrected, slanted words indicate what YOU need to change and why

Cry -This topic is too open

My best friend,you ask me why -Should start off slight introducted

Why I'm the kid, that never cries

Why I never shed a tear,when anyone else is near -You're trying to hard to find rhyming words

It's because my friend, noone needs to know,

The hurt and pain inside me now,

Noone needs to know. -Repitive for before

You're wrong my friend, I have indeed cryed -Sentacne could be reworded

Beside my bed late at night

All that pain thats been bottled up

Just came out and started to erupt

In the form of tears -Hmm...seems slighty tacky

All that pain, it's now long gone

but every now and then

that pain escapes me,makes me so sad -If the pains gone, then why does it make him sad at random times?

Even though he is now long gone

He is always near

You ask me, aren't you mad he left -Ok..did he die or leave? I'm confused.

It's okay to cry

I say I don't care, but that's a lie.

Those tears that left my eyes, prove one thing.

it's okay to cry -A little tacky here too

Good effort but needs improvement. Nice job though.

 

[GotchiGirl96]

My grandpa died when I was only 1 year old so I never got to get to know him. But like a year ago or something I just started crying in my bed thinking about my grandpa and it was really wierd. I never did that before. I was just upset because I never got to meet him and I just really wanted to talk to him for some reason. Even though I didn't know him, I love him with all my heart.