Moonlight War

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she's hard

i should make her more crazy <3

and omfg Sora looks like Cody Sheldon a little O___O

omg i hate Ronald ;___;

"putting an end to the mystery of that noise." He smiled at her.

 
I think you should.... work on her past a bit. truthfully. and then work on her looks-to-self esteem level. And maybe not make her more crazy, but find her ways to channel that insecurity and insanity.

Like, Hige/Hudson cant play the guitar, but he has guitar strings. When he has nothing else to do or is depressed, he ties them onto two posts really tight and runs his fingers across them to make little vibrations sounds until his fingers bleed.

x3 wait, American Idol guy?

I know you do. Shh, its okay.

I only do stuff like that because I care.

She smiled a little, and nodded, feeling no fear because he seemed not to be afraid.

 
hmn.. that makes sense. i should add onto the back story and stuff.

Sorrows over all story- grew up in a small village in france, not taken care of by her mom. her and sora didn't live with each other till he was 6, and she was 9. they immediately became close. she began to develop at an early age- earlier than she should of. and this becomes a problem when her baby sitter (Leo) begins to notice. he can't help but to fall in love with her, and one night after a harsh break up with his girl friend and a long night of drinking, he sneaks into the house (left unlocked by her mother, who was out) and hurts her for the first time. when she tells her mom, she is assumed to be lying. it happens over and over, and her true mental issues begin to show up. finally, when she's 14, she ends up pregnant, and has a miscarraige for the first time. her mom begins to notice how attractive her daughter is, and attempts to sell her. that was the final straw. sorrow runs away with Sora to Italy, to live with Willard and his family. she is made fun of at family get togethers by the stuck up Orzos, and she is cursed with the name 'Sorrow' when they find out about her life in France. she tends to lie, giving inconsistent answers to questions. she will do anything it takes to hide certain things about her life from the ones she loves. she takes a lot of medication to keep her panic attacks under control, but in the future, she becomes addicted.

and yes, him. he got voted off.

a bet lots of people cried.

Nathaniel walked slower though, tensing.

 
Sorrows over all story- grew up in a small village in france, not taken care of by her mom. her and sora didn't live with each other till he was 6, and she was 9. they immediately became close. she began to develop at an early age- earlier than she should of. and this becomes a problem when her baby sitter (Leo) begins to notice. he can't help but to fall in love with her, and one night after a harsh break up with his girl friend and a long night of drinking, he sneaks into the house (left unlocked by her mother, who was out) and hurts her for the first time. when she tells her mom, she is assumed to be lying. it happens over and over, and her true mental issues begin to show up. finally, when she's 14, she ends up pregnant, and has a miscarraige for the first time. her mom begins to notice how attractive her daughter is, and attempts to sell her. that was the final straw. sorrow runs away with Sora to Italy, to live with Willard and his family. she is made fun of at family get togethers by the stuck up Orzos, and she is cursed with the name 'Sorrow' when they find out about her life in France. she tends to lie, giving inconsistent answers to questions. she will do anything it takes to hide certain things about her life from the ones she loves. she takes a lot of medication to keep her panic attacks under control, but in the future, she becomes addicted.
I bolded the parts I think are good.

But the backstory has always been sort of.... borderline sue for me.

 

I watched that part happen.

the other guy was sliding to much. He shouldnt of made it, Cody should have. Even though Cody didnt sound to great.

 

 

She seemed oblivious, following him like a dumb puppy.

 
sorrow was never really my fave character.

i prefer my guys

lol now i shall put up...

willard's story

Willard's over all story- The third born son of the wealthiest side of the Orzo family. He never had an entirely normal child hood, often witnessing his parents argue. As a child, he was really oblivious and clumbsy, often making him the butt of everyone's joke. He was born with platinum blond hair, but prefers darker hair so he looked more 'mysterious'. He loves to read, and is easy going... But his smooth talking and nice moves can't cover up the fact that he is a nervous wreck and can't stand the outside world. He grew up sheltered, raised as a mama's boy, which had a huge impact on him. He always dreamed of having a family, and thought he found the girl of his dreams... But that was all a lie. She cheated on him, and her baby boy wasn't Willard's. Willard goes into a deep depression, beleiving that he truley could never have kids. But when he realizes that he's free again, he ends up gaining multiple lovers who never last. Male, female, he's not too picky. If he wasn't a vampire, he'd probably be dead by now from STD's. He later gets thrown out of the house when he's caught with the then 15 year old Adam, who was his lover for a while. He has a tendancy of cutting himself when he's depressed- something he learned from his mother. His mom loves him to death, but his father is never satisfied with what he does. His father wanted him to be a business man like him, but Willard would prefer to be a concert pianist. He's really close to Sorrow and Sora, who are his favorite relatives. He has multiple food allergies, such as Carrots and Pork. He hates being a vampire, and the old traditions. Such as the one where he and Sorrow were supposed to get married (which luckilly never happened). He was also supposed to marry Rinder Hinderos, who became stalker obsessed with him. He hates her deeply. All he fears is being alone.

i didn't get to see Cody voted off.

i just know he did.

"Hold on." He jumped back with her as a shadow passed by.

 
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She could be your fav if you worked on her a bit :3

I like Willards story better. Theres a couple things I would edit, but its overall good.

He was crying when it happened.

She froze, her wings out and fluttereing in discomfort.

 
what do you think i should edit?

awww cody cried?

that's so sad ;__;

Nathaniel made a face, as he now saw the shape. A bat. "what the hell?"

 
ummm hold on, I will bold what I would tweek and post it next.

bold tag dosent work for me in this forum, so I have to do in elsewhere.

Yha he cried.

It was sad. But he didnt sing to well.

She let out a weird chirp, as she got closer to investigate.

 
kk~~~

i heard his singing from that, but i didn't see him cry.

that is really sad DX

he didn't sing his best then, but i think he should try again next year.

just get better control.

he seemed really nervous- he should work on that

The bat was screeching as it smacked into the wall, and fell back.

Nathaniel raised his eye brows, and then let out a laugh. He picked it up. "what a stupid bat. what kind of abat smacks into walls?"

 
Willard's over all story- The third born son of the wealthiest side of the Orzo family. He never had an entirely normal child hood, often witnessing his parents argue. As a child, he was really oblivious and clumbsy, often making him the butt of everyone's joke. He was born with platinum blond hair, but prefers darker hair so he looked more 'mysterious'. He loves to read, and is easy going... But his smooth talking and nice moves can't cover up the fact that he is a nervous wreck and can't stand the outside world. He grew up sheltered, raised as a mama's boy, which had a huge impact on him. He always dreamed of having a family, and thought he found the girl of his dreams... But that was all a lie. She cheated on him, and her baby boy wasn't Willard's. Willard goes into a deep depression, beleiving that he truley could never have kids. But when he realizes that he's free again, he ends up gaining multiple lovers who never last. Male, female, he's not too picky. If he wasn't a vampire, he'd probably be dead by now from STD's. He later gets thrown out of the house when he's caught with the then 15 year old Adam, who was his lover for a while. He has a tendancy of cutting himself when he's depressed- something he learned from his mother. His mom loves him to death, but his father is never satisfied with what he does. His father wanted him to be a business man like him, but Willard would prefer to be a concert pianist. He's really close to Sorrow and Sora, who are his favorite relatives. He has multiple food allergies, such as Carrots and Pork. He hates being a vampire, and the old traditions. Such as the one where he and Sorrow were supposed to get married (which luckilly never happened). He was also supposed to marry Rinder Hinderos, who became stalker obsessed with him. He hates her deeply. All he fears is being alone.
There you are. I bolded the trauma parts, because, some of it just didnt fit in with other things you already said. Like, how could he lead a sheltered life if he whitnessed violent fights between his parents? I bolded the cutting part because, you could be a little more creative. I know you can. You throw Demi down stairs. Angsting vampires are a nono and you need to do something about his attituide twords his genetics. I liked Wigs better tehn dying, btw :3

But yha. He shouldnt hate being a vampire. He should use it to his advantage, which is what he does to get his lovers but not much else. Theres a lot of possibilities with being a vampire.

Yha, Cody was nervous. A lot. He needed not be nervous.

She giggled, but didnt touch the bat. "I eat bats." she whispered. "And Im really hungry."

 
like i mean sheltered as in kept away from the outside~~

but you have good points

and are you making fun of Demetri throwing himself down stairs?

i used to do the same thing xP

and how should i be more creative with Willard and his self harm?

i dunno what to do

lol, my friend cried when he got voted off.

i was just like, "that sucks. i feel bad- he could've went far."

do you know if the blind one is still in?

i love him <3

Nathaniel looked a little horrified, "... I'm a bat." He cradled the little bat in his arms, as if it was a baby.

 
No I wasnt making fun of Demi. Thats a good, creative idea (Please dont do it please)

So do something creative with Willard. Axie dosent cut herself, she rips the skin off ehr arms with her teeth. very sick,, very weird, very unpleasent, but its painful and bloody and so is cutting.

Do something like that.

I was just like, 'people are going to be upset.'

I think Blind Guy made it though.

She blinked, looking sorry. "Im a bird..." She whispered. "Im sorry."

 
i don't do that anymore, really.

what if Willard...

ripped his nails off and then dug them into his skin?

wait no, thats too weird.

i bet lots of girls cried.

like the Sanjaya girl

Nathaniel sighed, "its fine. just wait for the bat to die first- it'll be dead soon."

 
Okay thank you. Please dont do it again.

I actually like that...

At least, ripping his nails off.

He wouldnt be able to do it often though.

She blinked, upset. "Why does it have to die? Whats wrong with it?"

 
i stopped when i was 8 o_o

i only flung myself off of stairs cause

• i thought i could fly

• wondered what it felt like.

ripping his nails off?

kk~~~

"You don't want it to die? We could save it- it's sick, but we could save it. We could keep it as a pet?" He smiled.

 
x3

Okay, at least you didnt do it because you were depressed.

yha, go for it.

She was quiet for a bit, and she reached her hand out to touch it. There was a little bit of a spark, and the bat seemed fine again- and a few of her feathers blackened, and fell out of her wings. She smiled a little. "Hes fine now."

 
yep~~~

i should add on to Demetri's story.

Nathaniel saw the feathers this time, and it alarmed him. "Please, never use that again. I don't like the way that looks- feathers falling out. Its not normal." He hugged her though. "What shall we name him?"

 
Demetri's story- Born in France in 1701. His mom was an Orzo, and his father a distant vampire family. He has a younger sister who lives in Ireland.During the french revolution, he looked like a young boy of atleast 10. It was then that he found his first love- a pretty girl named Anne Belle. She was human, he was not. They liked each other, but her and the rest of her family was beheaded, due to the fact that they were involved with the king and queen of france. He almost got killed as well, but his family escaped to Italy. There, he began to study medicine- something that deeply interested him. His mom got locked away, because she was apparently 'insane'. It was a false accusation made by the family of Demetri's father. He then gets raised by his father, who does a great job of taking care of him. Demetri falls in love again, with a girl named Tatiana. But she is already married, and so she is out of reach. Through out his life, he falls in love... But it never works out. Something bad usually happens. He's not insane or anything, but he likes to throw himself down stairs. He finds it relaxing for some reason. He tends to get depressed at times, because he's a lonely guy. Although Giovanni and Elda are the founders of the famous Orzo mansion, it is actually Demetri who owns the place.

Nathaniel smiled, "Screech."

 
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