I'm in a very complicated situation...

[tenniswinner]

My grandmother lives in Europe. I am in the USA. My grandma is very sick. She is experiencing heart problems, and my family is very concerned for her. She is my last living grandparent.

My mother is leaving on Wednesday to go see her for a week. My father is on a business trip for 2 weeks and is coming home this weekend. My sister is at college and lives in her own apartment in the city far away. Me? Well, I have been at home for the last 5 weeks since our teachers are on strike right now. I will be returning the earliest Thursday, and the latest next Friday.

My mom wanted me to go with her to Europe, but I don't want to see my grandma sick in a hospital bed; it would hurt too bad. So I told my mom, and she told me "Now I know how I'll be treated if I was sick." That just broke my heart! I want to send my grandma flowers or something so she knows I care. A LOT.

My mom found a way for me to stay home and be cared for; my sister is coming from college and she is going to commute until my mom comes back. But still, I'm going to miss her! This is all happening so fast.

I just feel like crying. Did I make the right decision to stay home?

 

[tamaw/pants]

Owch!

Can you change your mind? If you can't, don't frett it and do not read below!

If you can, I really thing you should reconsider.

It hurt me to see my grandpa saying wierd things about how he had just been on some secret spy deal with the government when he was in the nursing home but if I had put a wall up, what good could that do? It would have caused more hurt.

Think of how much that would mean to your grandma. Maybe only if to let her see her beautiful grand daughter just one last time. Don't take that away because you are afraid. Stay strong and let love free you from the box you're in. Let it come down because she is worth it.

I'd stay go because you may regret it if something does happen and you don't have this chance again. It may hurt, but ultimatly you only have to gain.

 

[TigerLily013]

You know when my grandfather was sick I kind of wanted to not see him too much either when I did visit because it was hard to watch. However my bro in law at the time made a good point it would make him feel a little better to sit and spend time with him and my mother before his passing. When he did go I was sad, but I was glad I could tell him he was awesome and how much he meant to me before he became unresponsive and passed on during the night.

I think things happen for a reason. Tama w/P made good points and I say if you can go before you lose the chance...but also let your mother know it hurts to see him like that and it's nothing against her..."you know I don't like seeing ones I love in pain, it's sad, but I'll do it if I can still".

 

[tenniswinner]

Ah, thanks guys. Sorry about the people who passed on in your lives.

I can't change my mind, since my mom already bought her plane ticket. Gah, I feel horrible about this. Do you think cards and such will be enough? I love my grandma and I don't want her to think I didn't want to go because I don't like her or something of that nonsense. I love her and I want her to know that.

What can I do for her? Any ideas that could make her day?

 

[*Summer*]

Give you mum flowers (Or maybe something that won't die), cards, pix of you.

Tell her to give them to your grandmother.

She'll appreciate it. You can tell her in your cards that you would've come but you couldn't bare the thought of seeing her so sick since you love her so much.

She'll love you no matter what, believe me.

She's family and I understand how you feel. You can make videos of yourself on your mum's phone or a camera or something and keep sending videos of yourselves =]

 

[~TearsxarexlikexStorms~]

If it hurts, I wouldn't go. But maybe send her some sort of letter explaining that you care so much it would hurt you. But that you feel for her, and love her very much/

 

[Crystalized]

I think you should of gone. It might of been the last time you ever saw here.

 

[TamaMum]

It's a tough choice that you have been forced to make and really, there's no right or wrong decision.

Either choice could mean you have regrets and it's difficult to judge which decision would be best.

There are arguments for and against going on that trip tenniswinner and both sides are petty compelling... Your Mom gave you the choice to go with her or stay in the USA and you made a choice.

If you know in your heart that you would find it too difficult to handle then you made the right decision.

Don't take what your Mom said to heart - don't forget that she is probably upset and worried about your grandmother.

Tell your Mom that you love her and you love your grandmother but you just don't think you will be able to handle seeing her so ill and that would cause even more upset - especially if your Mom was torn between visiting your grandmother or looking after you.

Why not send some photos, make a card, write a letter that your Mom can read to her - I am sure it will help :furawatchi:

 

[baybee-x]

Personally I would go see her. You probably don't realise how much it would mean to her to see you, she's probably lonley and scared. If I had Grandchildren I would want them to see me, even if I was dieing. As it would be the last chance they got to see me.

But if you really cannot see her, just think very carefully before you decide as you don't want to do something you'll regret later on.

My Nan had alot of death scares in her last few weeks of living. And my Dad rushed to the hospital every time, and the time she actually died because he thought it was another false alarm he finished his tea before going [about 20 minutes] and by the time he got there she had died. And he was really devastated, even though it wasn't his fault but he really wanted to be with her when she died like he was when my Grandad died.

 

[tamaw/pants]

Ah, thanks guys. Sorry about the people who passed on in your lives.I can't change my mind, since my mom already bought her plane ticket. Gah, I feel horrible about this. Do you think cards and such will be enough? I love my grandma and I don't want her to think I didn't want to go because I don't like her or something of that nonsense. I love her and I want her to know that.

What can I do for her? Any ideas that could make her day?

Oh, ok. Just try to think of some personalized goodies for her. ;]

You know what my grandma likes? She likes full blown hand made cards, DVDs with music and picture of you and other family members you can make on Windows movie maker or even powerpoint, drawings- all this kind of stuff that is truely from you. Maybe make her a nice necklace?

It really depends on your grandma. Ask your mom for some ideas. She may be able to help you find the perfect thing to give. :]

 

[tenniswinner]

Thanks for all your support, everyone. It's really helping me. :kusatchi:

My mum's leaving Thursday, and my sister's coming tomorrow night. It won't be that bad, and I think my sister's really cool. <_<

My grandma's condition is worsening. I wrote her a letter saying how much I love her, and I decorated it with hearts, stars, etc. I also drew her a picture of a bird, and I think it's pretty good. I hope she enjoys it!

I am feeling much better about my decision now. Thanks a lot everybody!

 

[*Summer*]

Aw, no prob TW =]

For your family's and your sake, I really hope she's okay.

-Sending all my love & support-

 

[ValhallaKnight]

Sometimes, it's all the better to be there no matter how much it hurts you. Sometimes, you just have to suck it up and deal with it. Yes, seeing your grandma like that will hurt, but did you think of how your dying GRANDMA is going to feel about you not being there to see her off to the afterlife? She'll likely be heartbroken.

When my grandmother died, I couldn't go because I was having trouble with my job at the time, and if I did leave, I'd be fired. At the time, the job was important since I had to pay my rent, so I needed to keep toeing that line until I could get into a better situation. Regardless, before my mother left, I made sure she'd know that I was going to send flowers and a card to my grandmother. And I did. Money was tight that month, but I felt I did what needed to be done. However, I did not feel any real loss since I only met her once when I was a child. My other two grandmothers are both alive and well, and still married... Though every three years it seems I gain another uncle from my father's side. I could almost accuse her of being a prostitute or something when she was younger, but... I think she only did a bit too much sleeping around (Thus why my grandfather divorced her probably).

In short, you might want to decide which is more important... Your feelings or your grandmother's feelings.

 

[tenniswinner]

Update time.

Everything's going well on my own; I get to make my own meals!

But I called my mother who is still in Europe, and she said that she is visiting my grandma every day. But then her voice got weak and she said that she was at her last days and she is getting worse and worse. My letter and illustrations made her really happy. But something inside of me feels so bad. My grandmother's fading away as I type, and I'm not even there for her. If I would have went with my mom, imagine; I would be a wreck. I'm still unsure if my decision was right or wrong.

But if she dies now, what do I do? I've never gone through a loved one dying before.

Thanks again for all your help, it means so much to me.

 

[Caterpie]

I think you should of gone. It might of been the last time you ever saw here.

agreed

& if it is the last time u see her- u will have regrets 4 da rest of ur life. thinkn about it

 

[Star Tama]

When my Grandad was dying I went to see him. He wasn't in hospital because by then he was to sick and the treatment was making things worse. I wasn't there when he died but I cared about him till the day he died. There were I don't know how many miles between us (He lived in the North and me in the South) but I know he knew I cared.